Thursday, October 11, 2012

Success Story


Uncle George was overweight. The Doctor said 'You must run
Five miles a day for a hundred days and, when all that is done,
You'll be down to your perfect weight, without the slightest doubt.'
So Uncle put on his running shoes to try the theory out.
After thirty days he rang the Doctor to say he now was slim
And the Doctor told him he was proud, very proud of him.
'I must measure you now' the Doctor said,'Call round and see me today.'
'That's a problem' Uncle George replied, 'I'm five hundred miles away!'


Home is where the heart is,
Likewise the liver and the  spleen.
You'll find the duodenum there,
If you know what I mean.
That's where you'll find the clippings
When you've pedicured your feet,
Unless you're a top-notch housewife,
Whose home is always neat.
Home is where the bills are,
And the dust under the bed.
Also the stain that Billy left
When his nose just bled and bled.
Home is where the laundry basket
Stands chock full of clothes
Crying out for treatment;
Some of it on the nose!
Yes, home is where the heart is
The bald patch, the hammer toe!
Isn't it a pity 
That they've nowhere else to go!
My friend, Vera, invited me to lunch yesterday, along with Ros, Jean, Dorothy and Mavis. Vera is a superb cook so our meal was very tasty and conversation flowed. The only thing I hated was the journey home. I struck rush-hour on the main road, and I haven't done that for ages. I was really scared as rushing drivers cut-in and changed lanes at high speed. I felt lucky to get home in one piece and I wonder if my driving days are numbered. However, I'll remember the day for the company.

Vera's home is very elegant.

She has just redecorated all the bedrooms in very restful colours.

And Angus has just built her a very spacious walk-in wardrobe.

Alfie, the dog, did his best to get into the photograph.

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