Friday, October 7, 2011

Winged Victory

supplied the illustration

Would this blurb make you buy this book?

Beaky Wingford Q.C.

Bert Scudmore is a Pigeon Fancier.
Mrs Scudmore is not.
'Nasty noisy creatures!' she says.
Finally, she leaves the marital home.
'Good for nothing, those birds!' shouts Sally Scudmore, as she leaves.
For the next fifteen years Sally roams the world.
For the next fifteen years Bert perfects his pigeon prowess.
Read how Percy, Bert's favourite, finally finds Sally in a Norwegian forest.
Follow the adventures leading up to her rescue.
Marvel at her prowess as a Go-Go Dancer in Rouen!
Gasp at her exploits as a bag-lady with the Mafia.
See the seedy world of Hemel Hempstead through her eyes!
But, above all, learn about Pigeons!
Ten pages of story; three hundred pages about Pigeon Fancying.
(Can you see Percy on the book cover?)
From 'Pigeon-Fancying Perfected' by 'Pouter' Higgins: ' Read this book and learn what 'bird-brained' really means!'



Do you often get downhearted
When the socks of a pair are parted?
The washing process separates
Those little socks which should be mates!
Keep safety-pins in a handy spot
Then you'll never lose the plot.
Join the socks for the duration,
And avoid this washing complication
Bridge may be the game you choose,
In your home or on a cruise,
But you may find the cards get sticky
(Human hands can be quite tricky!)
Even manicured hands, in time,
Can leave a patina of grime!
Before you buy another pack,
Giving your well-loved cards the sack,
Try talcum-powder as a reviver!
Your pack will be a proud survivor!
Sprinkle and wipe and you will find
You've left the grubbiness behind.
Dammit! Broken glass again!
A goblet or a window pane!
The shards lie there upon the ground!
I'll cut myself soon, I'll be bound!
I must be careful where I tread!
But, if I take a slice of bread
And press it into the shattered pieces,
The need for extra vigilance ceases!
Every tiny  pin-point bit
Will soon embed itself in it!
Throw the bread away with care
And you'll forget glass was ever there.


Tammy said...

Oh, my, you are a hoot! I don't know who I'd most like to read about--Mrs. Scudmore the Norweian Go-Go Dancer/Ex-Mafia Bag Lady, or Percy, who managed to track her down. I'd buy this one for the first ten pages alone. Also learned some new tips from your clever Household Hints poem!

Kay L. Davies said...

Great stuff, Brenda. I love "Ten pages of story; three hundred pages about Pigeon Fancying"!

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

Lynn said...

Definitely a book I'd purchase. Sounds like a hoot - oh wait, owls do that, sounds coooo-l. Pigeons, coo, right?

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

Too funny, all of it. This would be very entertaining, and I always have wondered how to train pigeons. Our neighbor used to have them, and I could never figure out how they knew where to go to in the first place with their little notes tied to their feet.

Thanks for the great tips too. I never knew about the bread or card tricks.

Have a great weekend,

Kathy M.

Kim Lehnhoff said...

Forget Percy, I wanna hear more about Sally!

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Haha...Sally really gets around. I bet she didn't need rescuing at all. Which may account for the shortness of the story compared to all the pigeon fancying. LOL

Grandma's Goulash said...

Give me 300 pages of Sally and I'll be racing to the checkout.

Loved those household hings.