Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Sheep's Clothing

supplied the illustration


Nigel was a perfect gent;
I knew that from the start.
He was just the sort of well-bred chap
To win my timid heart.
He wore a tie, while Max and Jim
Were always rather rumpled.
His clothes were always perfectly pressed;
He was never creased and crumpled.
Being a ladylike sort of girl
I admired his savoir faire
I thought the two of us would really click,
And end up as a pair.
He had a job at the local bank;
Not well-paid but secure.
And all his conversation
Was beyond reproach and pure.
Max and Jim told dirty jokes
And guffawed in their beer.
Nigel never stooped so low;
He really was a dear.
It was fine on the journey home
Until we turned the corner,
When, suddenly, he turned and said
'Let's strip off in the sauna'!
I was completely flabbergasted!
He must have seen me wince.
But he really won me over
And we haven't looked back since!



'Last night I dreamt......' now there's a phrase
That I use very rarely.
You see, I hardly ever dream
So Life's treated me unfairly!
Of course, I dream or so I'm told,
But I just have no recall.
Where others see a mural,
I have a blank black wall!
Friends tell me of romantic nights
In the arms of famous stars!
Or they drive to exotic places
In expensive motor-cars!
Or they're six again, or ten, or three,
Or even twenty-one!
Or, in their dreams, they play tennis,
Or swim, or vault or run!
As soon as my head hits the pillow
The velvet curtain falls.
No time to even read a book
Or gaze at my four walls.
In a second it's tomorrow
And the sun is shining brightly!
This is the story of my life
And it's repeated nightly!
So I have no adventures,
And nothing at all that's mystic!
All is terribly here and now
And utterly realistic!
I've had a couple of nightmares
The result of indigestion!
But I didn't care for those at all!
Utterly out of the question!
Am I grateful for my dreamless sleep?
In a way it's quite a boon,
But I have to say that morning
Often arrives too soon!
And I have to say I feel cheated
Out of all the sounds and sights
That inhabit the dreams of the dreamers
During wild and colourful nights!
What if I wrote a novel
And the opening line should be
'Last night I never dreamt at all.....
Not even of Manderley!'
*Note: the novel,  is the reason I have a daughter called Rebecca! It was only later I realised I'd given her the name of the villain!


Anonymous said...

Who can resist a good sauna? *big smile* Oh, you had me laughing there! Brilliant!

Margaret Gosden said...

I would just love to be able to fall asleep like that in
preference to dreaming most nights. If Michael Jackson had had that ability, we would still be seeing him today!
Be happy with your inability to recall - and keep dancing!

Lolamouse said...

It's those polite gents you have to really watch out for! Thanks for the giggle!

Promising Poets Parking Lot said...

beautiful humor.

Thanks for the entertainment.


welcome join us today.