Friday, July 2, 2010

Night Starvation


I don't sleep well on an empty stomach! I know how Maxine feels!
Not that I wake at four a.m. to devour exotic meals!
But I DO like 'a little bit of something' before I go to bed,
Before on my downy pillow I lay my sleepy head!
Bedtime..... water for the pills, a 'wrinkly' routine.
(Every person over sixty knows exactly what I mean.)
Vitamins and blood-thinners, calcium for the bones,
And all the other tablets that every retiree owns!
So I swill them down with water! It's not exactly bliss!
A lady's night-time experience should be more exciting than this!
And it's then I hie me to the fridge to see what's hidden there!
Cold potatoes, half a pie, I really don't much care!
What's in that plastic container? A pork sausage! Bless my soul!
Oh what a wicked luxury! I almost swallow it whole!
By daylight I'm not greedy; I'm a lady to the core!
I'm not a bit like Oliver; I never ask for more.
I can push one pea around my plate for at least almost a minute
And I hesitate over my repast, always, before I begin it!
But comes the dark, comes secrecy, with my husband already snoring,
I gaze at my glass of water, which is suddenly so boring,
And dreams of bedtime feasting invade my addled brain,
And off I go, padding through the house, to raid the fridge again!
So I sympathise with Maxine, though our times are not in sync.
Our exploits at the dead of night are more exciting than you think!



I was walking past the bus-stop on the way to work one day
When a lady touched my arm in an apologetic way.
'I'm new round here' she said to me ' I don't want to make a fuss,
But I need to know the number of the Sprintly Gardens bus.'
'That's easy, dear' I answered 'It's number 85.
Just hang around a little while. I'm sure it will arrive.'
Imagine my surprise when, walking home, I found her there,
Looking rather frazzled and a bit the worse for wear!
I'd been at the office all day long, the sun was almost setting!
To see her waiting patiently was terribly upsetting!
How could she stand there all day long? And how could she survive?
'Have you been waiting here all day for number 85!'
'Yes' she answered 'And I'm glad there's not too long to wait!
I've counted all the buses and I'm up to 78!'

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