Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Unhand Me!

Letter 'U'

Offered since some of you may be looking for a slight entertainment to 'put on' at Xmas Time.
There's not much to learn as the Reader does all the work.

(A silly little play)

The little play
We present today
Is full of grief and sin.
The exciting plot
Is wild and hot.
(ALL) Cut the cackle! Let's begin!
First meet Dylan,
He's the villain,
Complete with dark moustache.
He's highly-sexed
And he gets quite vexed
If the ladies find him harsh.
He laughs (DYLAN) 'Hee hee!
They're all for me,
Because I'm the one with money.
Every virgin found
For miles around
Is in my little pot of honey!'
But his supply
Is running dry,
He wants a new sensation.
He sees young Belle,
And says (DYLAN) 'Well, well!'
With great anticipation!
And here she is,
But she's in a tiz,
For already she's been warned
That old Squire Dylan,
The nasty villain,
Is not one to be scorned.
(BELLE) I'm sweet sixteen,
And he's awfully mean!
I fear he'll steal my virtue!
I'll run away
If I hear him say
(DYLAN) 'Come here, dear; I wont hurt you!'
She runs away
But there's hell to pay,
For Lady Maude's been listening.
Her face is as drab
As the back of a cab,
But with anger her eyes are glistening.
(MAUDE) 'You silly old fool!
Don't you know the rule!
I am the one to be bedded!
It's me you love
And heavens above
It's me, long ago, you wedded.'
Dylan says (DYLAN) 'Get real!'
And turns on his heel,
Lady Maude feels quite dejected.
Revenge is planned
For she has, to hand,
A lover whom she's selected.
(MAUDE) I'll pay him back;
I'm off to Jack,
The Woodsman I've been spying.
So far no luck,
He wont run amok,
But it's not for want of trying.
So here is Jack,
With his fine straight back
And his muscles on display.
His sex appeal
Is really real
And this is his lucky day.
And here comes Belle,
That he loves so well,
They're sweethearts that's for sure
And what is this?
They (BOTH) kiss, kiss, kiss,
Though, of course, their love is pure.
Poor Belle's distraught!
Who would have thought
Sir Dylan would so pursue her!
Jack beats his breast,
Also his chest,
For no-one else must woo her!
They part with tears,
Overcome by fears,
And Jack stands cogitating.
But Maude arrives!
All neglected wives
Get very tired of waiting!
And she says (MAUDE) 'Wow!
It's my turn now!
If you have been observant
You'll have seen me view
Every bit of you!
Now obey me! You're my servant!'
She flings her arms
Round his manly charms
But he will not be persuaded.
He fights her off
Though she is a toff,
His love cannot be traded!
(JACK) 'No! No!' he shouts,
And milady pouts,
She's not used to being denied.
(JACK) 'Unhand me, pray!'
She hears him say!
It's all so undignified!
'So, very well,
(MAUDE) You can go to hell,'
Cries Maude, her voice constricted,
'Your poor old Mum
Will look very glum
When she finds that she's evicted!'
Maude departs,
And young Jack starts
To regret his foolish action.
'It can't be denied
That I could have tried
To give some satisfaction!
(JACK) I was too pure!
But there's no cure!
He's burnt his breeches (sorry, bridges) completely!
He should have succumbed
Though he felt numbed
And given-in very sweetly.
Deep in the throes
Our hero goes,
But what is this we see!
His Mother, Peg,
With the gammy leg,
Has been listening behind a tree!
(PEG) Oh woe is me!
What misery! Wherever will I go?
Without a home
I'll be forced to roam
Out in the deep deep snow!
She has no choice!
She raises her voice
In one last hopeless cry!
'This little berry
Is poisonous, very,
(PEG) And now I'm about to die!
Indeed she dies
With gruesome cries
And agonising screams.
At last, at last,
Her pain is past
She's off in the land of dreams.
Now Jack returns
And soon he learns
His mother is no more!
'My purity
Has done for me!
I should have given-in!
I let her die
Because I was shy!
(JACK) If only I'd chosen sin!'
He takes his axe
And gives some whacks,
And soon lies dead for sure!
Now here comes Maude,
Walking abroad,
She comes upon Jack lying dead!
(MAUDE) 'He was my last chance!
Now I see at a glance
We'll never meet in bed!'
Now Maude goes wild!
She wont be defiled!
She hates this situation
'Here's an overdose!
I'll be comatose!
(MAUDE) I'll die of my frustration!'
The Valium's downed,
She looks around
To find a place to die.
With a fruity groan
She drops like a stone
But adds one final cry.
Now one two three
Are dead as can be.
This must dissuade Sir Dylan!
But no, no, no
With Belle in tow
He enters! A beastly villain!
'They bit the dust
But there's always lust
To make a man forget!
Come, little Belle,
You know full well
(DYLAN) I haven't deflowered you yet!'
Surely Belle can't win!
But she has a pin
She has armed herself we see!
If he makes a lunge
The pin she'll plunge
And we'll see what we will see!
(DYLAN) 'Come here, your'e mine!
And you're quite divine!
Come here, a little closer!'
But Belle takes the pin
And jabs it in
Crying (BELLE) 'No, no, no, no, no, Sir!'
Another death,
A final breath,
Sir Dylan is no more!
Triumphant Belle
Has done very well,
She must be glad, for sure!
But no, she pales,
She weeps she wails,
She's not having too much fun.
'I had two men,
Now, once again,
(BELLE) I find that I have none!'
Now see her depart
With a broken heart.
She died not a moment too soon.
Bodies? Five!
And none are alive!
Can we have a mournful tune?
This moral story
Has been quite gory
We hope you've had a ball!
Standing in line
They all look fine.
So goodbye one and all!


Tina´s PicStory said...

U U :)

Gigi Ann said...

Well, I can say it was Unique.

Roger Owen Green said...

That's probably the longest piece of yours I've read, and it still kept its rhythm.

ROG, ABC Wednesday team

Roger Owen Green said...

That's probably the longest piece of yours I've read, and it still kept its rhythm.

ROG, ABC Wednesday team

Chubskulit Rose said...

How come villains usually have mustache (for males anyway)? Interesting story!

U is for Umbrella, please come and see. Thanks!

Berowne said...

A tremendous job, but you carried it off beautifully.