Thursday, December 29, 2011

My Personal Omelet

"demolish     resolution     transform"


You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs;
You cannot transform without trauma.
I must break my old habits right now, for New Year,
And become an efficient reformer.
I'll cast out the old and I'll take on the new;
I'll demolish the me of the past.
I'll emerge freshly-scrubbed at the start of the year
The real 'latest model' at last.
There isn't one facet I seek to retain!
So a top-to-toe revamp is needed.
I've tried this routine every year, every year,
And, till now, I just haven't succeeded.
But a do-or-die moment is well on its way;
This year I shall find the solution!
Look your last on this feeble, inept lump of clay!
It's New Year!
This is my resolution!

(Not biographical!)

I bet you have mornings, the same as me,
When you slouch out of bed and you slurp your tea,
And your throat is sore and your mouth is dry,
And you look at life through a jaundiced eye.
And you pick your clothes up from off the floor,
Where you'd thrown them down the night before.
And you pull on your jeans, and you can't escape
from the fact that the zip has started to gape!
And you drag a comb through your lifeless hair,
And you pull on a shirt that needs repair,
And you look at that row of double chins,
Brought on by too many pies and gins.
And you have a cough and you wobble and flop
Down the street to the local shop.
And you know you're not going to win a prize.
You're not even a sight for the sorest eyes……..
I had a day like that last week,
When I was feeling way past my peak,
And I knew, as I stood in the checkout line,
That I'd never be anyone's Valentine.
And then I turned! And it was him!
I felt my senses start to swim!
Oh yes it was him! Oh yes it was Ray!
I knew him as though it were yesterday.
He was tall, distinguished, smart and slim;
Grey at the temples, but taut and trim.
His dapper little moustache was daring!
He had an erect and elegant bearing.
His piercing eyes were a brilliant blue!
Well, I did what any girl would do………..
'Its me, Elvira,' I whispered low,
Back in the days of long ago.
The line of shoppers passed us by.
He looked bewildered, a little shy.
'It's me!' I said 'It's me! It's me!
We met when I was twenty three!
You must recall the night we met!
Its magic lingers with me yet!
It was there, at the Hammersmith Palais de Dance,
That you threw me that provocative glance.
I wore that dress that was cut quite low;
I think that was why you said hallo.
'Do you come here often?' I heard you say,
And I knew Romance was on its way.
My perfume was called 'Drums in the Night!'
The revolving ball above was bright.
You squeezed my waist, you squeezed my hand
As we danced to Billy Cotton's band.
'I'm feeling rather warm.' you said;
' I vote we go outside instead!'
I went on 'And, in that darkened lane,
We kissed and kissed and kissed again!
And into my hair you whispered low.
You said 'Is this for ever?' and I said ……..'No'
Bill had a solid apprenticeship;
Bill was steady though a bit of a drip.
You looked exciting; my blood ran hot;
But marriage material you were not!
Yes, oh yes, I married Bill;
We've had six kids and we're married still.
It's been a struggle; we're on the pension.
But that’s too sordid for me to mention.
But I know now you were my true fate!
You were destined to be my mate!'
The look on Ray's face was rather strange!
His whole expression seemed to change!
'Excuse me,' he said, 'We've never met;
Yours is a face I'd never forget!'
And then, under his breath, as he turned to go,
I'm certain he said 'Thank god she said no!'
I gave him a look, a look that could kill!
'Please yourself!' I said. 'I much prefer Bill!'


Unknown said...

...cannot transform without trauma...
Oh how I wish this were not so completely true; but alas it is without question the way the universe works!

Sheilagh Lee said...

sometimes you have to find that you really already like the self you are.

as for Ray good for her.
Happy New Year

Kat said...

Joining your Omeletic 2012 resolution. so inspiring. A zillion thanks..!!