The Red Chair

WRITTEN FOR THE MAG
AND FOR RUBY TUESDAY

THE RED CHAIR

So now I sit in this chair, my love,

And brood about the past.

We had a great relationship;

We expected it to last.

We found this derelict house, my love,

It took all that we'd got,

But both of us saw a future here;

It seemed the perfect spot.

We'd hardly got a sou, my love,

Our cupboard was quite bare,

But then you suddenly laughed and said

'Let's buy a scarlet chair!'

Symbolic, that's what it was, my love,

Of a future that would glow.

Scarlet ! The colour of vibrancy

And a love that would, surely, grow.

Then both of us lost our jobs, my love;

We both felt life wasn't fair;

There was nothing else we could afford

To add to our scarlet chair.

Then bitterness crept in, my love,

Recriminations, pain.

When you left you slammed the door

And we haven't met again.

I have a chair, I have a house,

And I have a memory.

What use, my love, who is still my love,

Is a scarlet chair to me?

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SLIMMING SENSATION!

At first I thought 'it' was Barbie!

But no, she's really real!

She's a human-being

Who can laugh and sing and feel!

All of us know the sensation

When a waist-band's a bit too tight;

We enjoy the release from 'bondage'

When we go to bed at night.

Imagine how this lady

Feels when she swallows a pea!

It must feel like a boulder;

A real monstrosity.

Her innards must be squashed-up

Like sardines in a tin.

Supposing she feels like some pudding!

How will she get it in?

This is my idea of ridiculous.

Whatever will she do

If, one day, she bends down quickly

And simply snaps in two?

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