supplied the illustration
'You're the prettiest girl I've ever met!.....
Rod's first words to me.
'I'm a professional photographer
And you are quality!
I love the hair, I love the teeth,
Your nose is utter perfection!
My shots of you would be unique,
Not needing any correction!'
Of course, I fell for this line of talk,
And he was quite a dish,
And we started a torrid love-affair
Which was everything one could wish.
He photographed me many times,
Very often from above,
In many different poses,
In between making love.
He photographed me fully-dressed
And, tastefully, in the nude.
(My Mother disapproved, of course,
But she's something of a prude!)
Things were going swimmingly
But then I met Eugene
And he'd got a modelling agency
And that was more my scene.
Ours was an amicable break-up,
At least, it seemed so at the time,
But my photographer lover
Was about to commit a crime!
He pasted my portrait on a wall
Where he knew there was a leak
And now it's all disfigured
And I look like a freak!
The water's run down and crinkled me!
My eyes have disappeared!
My bottom lip looks swollen!
The whole effect is weird!
Look at that nose! I can't believe
That it is really mine!
He's made a laughing-stock of me!
Rod! You are a swine!
Eugene has turned his back on me
And my ruined reputation.
Now I'll never, never be
The new photographic sensation!
I didn't know what to expect!
Such unpleasant words had been said!
Our last conversation's been haunting my dreams
And ringing around in my head!
'If thats how you feel, well, I know where I stand!
We cannot be friends any more!'
And you'd turned on your heel with a toss of your hair
And headed straight out of the door!
I treasure our friendship! Yes! Deep down I do!
I'd take back my words if I could!
I've wept buckets of tears since last Wednesday, my dear!
I thought that I'd lost you for good!
And now, there you are, coming up the front path!
An immediate panic's set in!
Will there be a slanging-match just like before!
This time I shall just let you win!
But hey! That's a smile, and a wave of your hand!
A gesture that's friendly, for sure!
I can't wait to say sorry! I take all the blame!
Hang on while I open the door!