Hicksville

MAD KANE

http://www.madkane.com

supplied the first line

HICKSVILLE

A fellow who looked like a hick*

Was really quite smart and quite slick.

When they questioned his brain

He said 'Do that again

And I'll give you a whack with a stick!'

* Description from the Urban Dictionary (for non-Americans)

         A derogatory slang term for lower class whites raised in rural areas, usually within trailer parks or hog farms. Generally used more for Midwesterners than Southerners (see: redneck) General defining characteristics of a hick: Protestant upbringing, usually Baptist; racist and sexist opinions; does not attend collage ; dumber than a post.

That hick Dwayne wanted to take me muddin' in the stripper pits last night.  

(I still don't understand the explanatory sentence!)

*

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PRACTICALLY PERFECT!

I wish that I were practical!

I wish that I could wield

A hammer and a chisel

Or plough a rustic field.

I cannot open tin cans,

I cannot paper walls,

I cannot tat or crochet

Or run-up home-made smalls.

I do not dare get busy

With a gimlet or an axe,

And I often need assistance

When I'm working out my tax!

The essence of my problem

Lies in parentage, I fear,

For neither of my parents

Were practical, that's clear.

But I've found there's always someone

To do these things for me,

All I need to bleat is 'Help!'

And, with alacrity,

Practical people swarm around

To show me what is what

Proving they are everything

That I, poor thing, am not.

So my job in life is obvious!

Maybe I can't build shelves,

But I do make other people

Feel darned good about themselves.

When they're comparing themselves with me

They're certain of their worth.

Maybe that's why the cack-handed

Are the true salt of the earth.

*