Sunday, January 29, 2012

En Masse

                      Edvard Munch

SATURDAY CENTUS
gave us the words in blue

EN MASSE
(Not autobiographical!)

'We know where the bodies are buried'!
I am fixed with a gimlet eye.
There is no point in being defensive!
I wont even try.
The life of a serial killer
Is always fraught with risk,
And here is a policeman
Who seems efficiently brisk.
I started my spree as a young man,
And I'm now ninety-five.
Thanks to me, a lot of folk
Are now dead, that were alive!
It was a sort of hobby,
And I had lots of fun
Thinking-up new methods
For each and every one.
A 'modus operandi' 
Was something I never had,
And now they've finally tracked me down,
That makes me rather glad.
I never had a nickname
Like that 'Unabomber' chap;
I varied my operations
In case of a mishap.
I admit that it was tricky.......
Five hundred variations;
I flatter myself that I did it,
Despite the complications.
Even now, the police aren't certain
That I'm their wanted man.
They want to get inside my head.....
Good luck with that plan!
'We know where the bodies are buried.'
Rubbish! They haven't a clue!
I'm feeling really sorry
For all they're going through.
It'll take five years, for certain,
Till they work the whole thing out.
I always planned to live to a hundred.
I'll do it, without a doubt!
*
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency (UK) -  Pilot

ZAFTIG

Oh what a zaftig lady!
And oh what a charming tale!
'The Number One Detective Agency'
Is one that will never stale.
The books were so delightful
And now the TV version
Is carrying us to Botswana.....
A succulent excursion.
Precious doesn't mind being zaftig;
In fact she revels in it;
Sometimes it causes laughter,
And she's the one to begin it.
She's proud, she's strong, she's funny;
She is loved by everyone.
She's brown, she's smart, she's attractive,
All under the African sun.
She relishes being zaftig,
As everybody should,
Being zaftig is being plump
And, sometimes, plump is good.
*

9 comments:

anitamombanita said...

Love it! Somehow you managed to take a perfectly macabre subject and inject humor! Nicely done!

Karen S. said...

Oh yes, your style of writing is absolutely one that draws a reader in! Lovely way you made light of this prompt...(it was a good one that I had like 10 ways to go it seemed) sometimes it's hard seeing one way, that's why I go usually with my first reaction after reading the prompt! This centus is one that should be read, and enjoyed by many! Nicely done!

Judie said...

Hah! I love it! What a clever point of view you have created here. I hope he lives to 100.

Alexander McCall Smith's books are so much fun--you honor him delightfully!

Gail said...

Very interesting take on the prompt...I hope not autobiographical.

Beth said...

I like your black humor, but, even better is that it is not autobiographical.

Nonna Beach said...

Wickedly brilliant poem for the prompt...you never disappoint...so talented...the second poem is just lovely ! BRAVO !!!

Jo said...

what a wonderfully wicked use of the prompt!

Ames said...

They say you have to think like a killer to write like one. ~Ames

Jenny said...

Geez. This was really amazing. I loved this (and it made me scared a tiny bit, too).

When I was reading this the second time I forgot it was a poem and just got sucked into the story...what a tale you wove here.

Just brilliant!

And I so agree on the zaftig thing! Zaftig should be in vogue!