Sunday, September 19, 2010

A Lengthy Recovery



Two men sat side-by-side in a Doctor's Waiting Room;
Both looked rather worried, each face reflecting gloom.
'Why have you come to the doctor?' Percival whispered low.
'Have you got a serious problem?  I'd very much like to know'.
'Serious? No!' said Clarence ' Luckily it's the reverse!
It's only a little bunion! It could be very much worse!'
'I'm having a circumcision' said Percival, in his ear.
Said Clarence 'Now that is serious! You'll suffer a lot, I fear!
I had one as a baby and I couldn't walk for a year!'



Dear Mr Minister; You in Charge,
Who writes your name so proud and large,
I'm looking for an explanation
For a crazy situation.
My Australian passport needs renewing;
Nothing to be misconstruing!
So why this letter in my hand?
I honestly don't understand!
First, you ask for my address!
How's that for forgetfulness?
For how did this letter find its way
Into my hot little hand today?
If you weren't aware of my address,
What did you do to find me? Guess?
I come to another matter, then.....
You ask me where I was born, and when!
You've had my details on your files
For ever and ever! That's what riles!
And my parents' names haven't changed! No wonder!
Both of them are six feet under!
The date of my birth? What! Don't you know!
You were told that many years ago!
It's been on eight passports, plus census stuff!
Haven't I filled it in enough!
My driver's licence! See! It's there!
And it's also known to Medicare!
I'm going to New Zealand! Hell!
That's a place you should know well!
I've seen shots of you over there,
Walking about with nose in air!
It's not as though it's Timbuctoo,
But you want to know what I'm going to do!
'Will I visit a farm?' Good grief!
Your questions are really beyond belief!
If I wanted to pay a secret visit
I wouldn't tell you! Is that clear? Is it?
And, if by chance, I'm asked to a farm,
Will I suddenly stiffen and blanche with alarm
All because I was well-intentioned,
But on my form it isn't mentioned?
Why must someone held in high regard
Sign the back of my photo? Is it hard
To look at me and then at it
And see at once it's perfect fit?
Any Joe Blogs could do the same,
He only needs to sign his name.
Why 'someone of standing in society'
When anyone can see it's me?
You suggest a doctor might do the deed!
I say it's me, sir! Can't you read?
I'm Australian through and through!
We've been here since 1852!
One of my ancestors made the grade,
Fighting at the Eureka Stockade!
I've finally managed to run to ground
A 'person of standing' and I have found
That the doctor who'll vouch for me is fresh
From the shores of Bangladesh!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

These are absolutely brilliant. Humour in poetry is a real gift.