Sunday, September 13, 2009

Social Stigma!

Beryl Cook



Once Nigel died I felt so much alone,
Suddenly my old social life fell flat.
Nobody invited me to parties any more,
Nobody put out the Welcome Mat.
I was that 'extra woman'! That was me,
The one that other women dread and fear,
I saw them clinging to a 'hubby's' arm,
In case that 'extra woman' should appear!
So imagine my delight when Mary rang
Out of the blue and quite polite (for her);
' Come here to tea on Sunday afternoon.
And, don't forget, a hat is 'de rigeur'!'
I was delighted and I baked a cake,
A chocolate one with buttons on the top,
To take with me to show my gratitude.
I didn't even buy one at the shop.
I wore my pink hat with the ribbon bow,
The one I wore to Hetty's farewell 'do'
And my floral dress with all the applique
And roses on the collar, pink and blue.
Imagine the acute distress I felt
When I saw the other four were in the nude!
It really gave me quite a nasty turn!
It almost took my mind off party food!
'Come on!' screeched Mary 'Get off all your gear!"
And Henry cried 'Come on! Get 'in the pink'!
'Make sure you keep your hat on!' Gertie said.
I didn't quite know what to do or think!
I wanted to be in the swim again,
Having a social life just like before,
But, on the other hand, I didn't care
To be a part of 'what the butler saw'!
I noticed Albert had quite skinny legs,
And Gertie was quite droopy, although small,
While Henry had a paunch he couldn't hide
And Mary hadn't got a waist at all.
Let me repeat that it was gratitude
That made me strip my dress off there and then!
Whatever it might take I'd do my best
To be a social butterfly again!
At least I had my hat on! It felt good
To know that I was partly clothed at least,
So I relaxed and simply settled down
Intending to enjoy the garden feast.
After a while I noticed Henry's cup
Was empty so I hastened with the pot,
I admit I leaned quite close to pour the tea
Which was wonderfully amber and quite hot.
I saw that Henry flushed but that was all!
Our contact was an accident of course!
But Gertie shouted 'Get away from him!'
So loudly that she sounded almost hoarse!
'I knew we shouldn't trust her to come here!
An 'extra woman' was a great mistake!
Get your clothes on, Audrey, and begone!
Don't think that you can bribe us with your cake!'
Now fully dressed I scuttled from the place,
My social life truncated! That was that!
What social boundary did I overstep?........
I think, maybe, they didn't like my hat!'
Manners to the fore here:


Quilly said...

LOL! Yes, I am certain it was the hat that did it!

Darlene said...

Oh this is really funny. Unfortunately there is a lot of truth in your rhyme that we widows know quite well.

My husband was the outgoing one and I was no longer part of the social set after he died. Maybe they didn't like my hat.

Unknown said...

It's lovely how you can take an image and concoct a poem/story around it.

This was a fun one. Looks like a great way to do tea!

linda may said...

I would rather it was not me invited in the circumstances Hehehehe. I won't get my gear off for anyone in my state.

rallentanda said...

Yep it was the hat.If you're the
one with the teapot you could do better for yourself than those two old lechy vicar types.Next time try pouring without the hat and with clothes on.You'll be a sensation.

Deb said...

Delightful tale to match the wonderful artwork.

Unknown said...

Your poem is great fun and a most suitable partner to Beryl Cooke's painting!

Unknown said...

I hope they didn't eat your cake before they sent you packing! I loved the poem, it had great irony with wrinkles. The simple fact was, you were way too good for this group! Thanks for sharing!

Irene said...

You spin a yarn to that painting really well.

anthonynorth said...

That was great fun.

Anonymous said...

Neat ekphrasis. You've captured the painting and then some, creating a witty world of disarming details that manages to make the absurd situation in the painting believable and funny.

Cynthia Short said...

Very funny with a great ending!
What an imagination you have....(or is it true?)

Anonymous said...

how much fun is that!
I do think the gents ought to have their hats on, too. Naughty thoughts from those bare heads.

Paul Oakley said...

Let me repeat that it was gratitude
That made me strip my dress off there and then!
What social boundary did I overstep?........
I think, maybe, they didn't like my hat!'

O tempora o mores!

Delightful poem!

Brian Miller said...

hahaha. that was delightful.

Ed & Jeanne said...

Great story. I like the whimsical feel to it and underneath there is that concept of being an extra; I felt that after my divorce too.

Wings1295 said...

Of course it was the hat!

Tom said...

that's a hoot!