Unhand Me!

ABC WEDNESDAY
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com/
Letter 'U'


Offered since some of you may be looking for a slight entertainment to 'put on' at Xmas Time.
There's not much to learn as the Reader does all the work.




UNHAND ME!
(A silly little play)

The little play

We present today

Is full of grief and sin.

The exciting plot

Is wild and hot.

(ALL) Cut the cackle! Let's begin!

First meet Dylan,

He's the villain,

Complete with dark moustache.

He's highly-sexed

And he gets quite vexed

If the ladies find him harsh.

He laughs (DYLAN) 'Hee hee!

They're all for me,

Because I'm the one with money.

Every virgin found

For miles around

Is in my little pot of honey!'

But his supply

Is running dry,

He wants a new sensation.

He sees young Belle,

And says (DYLAN) 'Well, well!'

With great anticipation!

And here she is,

But she's in a tiz,

For already she's been warned

That old Squire Dylan,

The nasty villain,

Is not one to be scorned.

(BELLE) I'm sweet sixteen,

And he's awfully mean!

I fear he'll steal my virtue!

I'll run away

If I hear him say

(DYLAN) 'Come here, dear; I wont hurt you!'

She runs away

But there's hell to pay,

For Lady Maude's been listening.

Her face is as drab

As the back of a cab,

But with anger her eyes are glistening.

(MAUDE) 'You silly old fool!

Don't you know the rule!

I am the one to be bedded!

It's me you love

And heavens above

It's me, long ago, you wedded.'

Dylan says (DYLAN) 'Get real!'

And turns on his heel,

Lady Maude feels quite dejected.

Revenge is planned

For she has, to hand,

A lover whom she's selected.

(MAUDE) I'll pay him back;

I'm off to Jack,

The Woodsman I've been spying.

So far no luck,

He wont run amok,

But it's not for want of trying.

So here is Jack,

With his fine straight back

And his muscles on display.

His sex appeal

Is really real

And this is his lucky day.

And here comes Belle,

That he loves so well,

They're sweethearts that's for sure

And what is this?

They (BOTH) kiss, kiss, kiss,

Though, of course, their love is pure.

Poor Belle's distraught!

Who would have thought

Sir Dylan would so pursue her!

Jack beats his breast,

Also his chest,

For no-one else must woo her!

They part with tears,

Overcome by fears,

And Jack stands cogitating.

But Maude arrives!

All neglected wives

Get very tired of waiting!

And she says (MAUDE) 'Wow!

It's my turn now!

If you have been observant

You'll have seen me view

Every bit of you!

Now obey me! You're my servant!'

She flings her arms

Round his manly charms

But he will not be persuaded.

He fights her off

Though she is a toff,

His love cannot be traded!

(JACK) 'No! No!' he shouts,

And milady pouts,

She's not used to being denied.

(JACK) 'Unhand me, pray!'

She hears him say!

It's all so undignified!

'So, very well,

(MAUDE) You can go to hell,'

Cries Maude, her voice constricted,

'Your poor old Mum

Will look very glum

When she finds that she's evicted!'

Maude departs,

And young Jack starts

To regret his foolish action.

'It can't be denied

That I could have tried

To give some satisfaction!
(JACK) I was too pure!
But there's no cure!
He's burnt his breeches (sorry, bridges) completely!
He should have succumbed
Though he felt numbed
And given-in very sweetly.

Deep in the throes

Our hero goes,

But what is this we see!

His Mother, Peg,

With the gammy leg,

Has been listening behind a tree!

(PEG) Oh woe is me!

What misery! Wherever will I go?

Without a home

I'll be forced to roam

Out in the deep deep snow!

She has no choice!

She raises her voice

In one last hopeless cry!

'This little berry

Is poisonous, very,

(PEG) And now I'm about to die!

Indeed she dies

With gruesome cries

And agonising screams.

At last, at last,

Her pain is past

She's off in the land of dreams.

Now Jack returns

And soon he learns

His mother is no more!
'My purity
Has done for me!
I should have given-in!
I let her die
Because I was shy!
(JACK) If only I'd chosen sin!'

He takes his axe

And gives some whacks,

And soon lies dead for sure!

Now here comes Maude,

Walking abroad,

She comes upon Jack lying dead!

(MAUDE) 'He was my last chance!

Now I see at a glance

We'll never meet in bed!'

Now Maude goes wild!

She wont be defiled!

She hates this situation
'Here's an overdose!

I'll be comatose!

(MAUDE) I'll die of my frustration!'

The Valium's downed,

She looks around

To find a place to die.

With a fruity groan

She drops like a stone

But adds one final cry.

Now one two three

Are dead as can be.

This must dissuade Sir Dylan!

But no, no, no

With Belle in tow

He enters! A beastly villain!

'They bit the dust

But there's always lust

To make a man forget!

Come, little Belle,

You know full well

(DYLAN) I haven't deflowered you yet!'

Surely Belle can't win!

But she has a pin

She has armed herself we see!

If he makes a lunge

The pin she'll plunge

And we'll see what we will see!

(DYLAN) 'Come here, your'e mine!

And you're quite divine!

Come here, a little closer!'

But Belle takes the pin

And jabs it in

Crying (BELLE) 'No, no, no, no, no, Sir!'

Another death,

A final breath,

Sir Dylan is no more!

Triumphant Belle

Has done very well,

She must be glad, for sure!

But no, she pales,

She weeps she wails,

She's not having too much fun.

'I had two men,

Now, once again,

(BELLE) I find that I have none!'

Now see her depart

With a broken heart.

She died not a moment too soon.

Bodies? Five!

And none are alive!

Can we have a mournful tune?

This moral story

Has been quite gory

We hope you've had a ball!

Standing in line

They all look fine.

So goodbye one and all!
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