The Barest Minimum

THE BAREST MINIMUM

Someone wrote it; someone sent it;

Poorly printed, without colour.

Compared with present-day garishness

Nothing ever could look duller.

Just the slightest hint of crimson;

Names of battles scrawled in haste.

Hardly worth a second viewing

Compared with present-day's vivid taste.

Not a single cherub on it;

Not a single leaf of holly;

Not a single exhoration

To be carefree, to be jolly.

Not a hint of Santa's sleigh-ride;

Not a hint of gifts galore;

Not a mention of the pudding,

The crackers, turkey and much more.

The barest minimum of wishes

On a card that's old and faded.

So why am I feeling disillusioned,

All washed-up and old and jaded?

Is it because this seems to be

A card full of

Sincerity?

*

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CAMEL CORPS CHRISTMAS

Something you've never had before!

A Christmas card from the First World War!

A Christmas card from the Camel Corps!

Happy Christmas!

*

This was a rabble of a brigade

Of Australian soldiers who made the grade

By being the toughest ever made!

Happy Christmas.

*

Chosen because they were rough and wild,

Easily roused and easily riled

(All the others were meek and mild)!

Happy Christmas!

*

The British were always on their guard

When the C.C. approached their barrack-yard,

Because controlling them was hard!

Happy Christmas!

*

Once they went in for a kill,

But found their hand-grenades were nil

So they just rolled boulders down the hill!

Happy Christmas!

*

It happened so very long ago,

But I thought I'd cut-out bells and snow

And send you a Camel Corps 'Hello!'

Happy Christmas!

*