Sunday, December 12, 2010

Not Waving But Drowning


CARRY ON TUESDAY
http://carryontuesdayprompt.blogspot.com/

The words in blue make-up the title of Stevie Smith's poem.....
'Not waving but drowning'

NOT WAVING BUT DROWNING

Every day I see you on the train;
Every day I fall in love again.
Every day I smile and say 'Hallo';
Every day I hate to see you go.
Sometimes I try waving casually;
A lifting of the hand to you from me.
Sometimes I try a small, impersonal grin,
Hoping for some rapport to begin!
Sometimes you simply turn your head away
Just when I've thought of something I could say!
Sometimes you're gazing at the passing scene;
I 'disappear' as though I'd never been!
*
But I'm not waving, though I raise my hand.
And I'm not smiling, can't you understand?
I'm drowning, drowning, drowning in your eyes! 
And every day a little of me dies!
*
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THE UNMADE BED.

An unmade bed
Speaks.
And it says many things.
*
'Make me, you lazy thing!'
*
'Come on, love, hop back in!'
*
'Do you remember that holiday at Lake Lugano?'
*
'When did you last wash these sheets?'
*
'Gosh! You were restless last night!'
*
You really should buy a new doona cover!'
*
'Why do you always leave me till last?
*
'Stop remembering!'
*
And what do you say?
'Shut up!'
*

13 comments:

Missy said...

Loved your C.O.T. and loved the Unmade bed comments.

Vibhuti B said...

Awww Brenda Carry on Tuesday is an exquisite piece!! Im blown away again!! :D

MARGARET GOSDEN 2 said...

Very moving and clever. You do have a way with words!

gs batty said...

enjoyed both poems. we have all yearned for things that are not to be and the bed ...mine would say ..."better get me made before your wife gets home...her pet peeve..unmade bed.

Flying Monkey said...

I like both pieces. The first one made me visualise this commuter scene quite vividly and I could really feel the desperation.

Caty said...

great pieces. My bed always tells me I've been restless last night!

madamebutterfly said...

Last week I listened to a radio broadcast about Stevie Smiths poem - it was the first time I had her read it.

Enjoyed both your poems today

kathew said...

love always getting two for the price of one on your blog! Hard to say which one I liked best-they are both great!

Kavita said...

Ohh... Unmade bed was so so so creative, Brenda!! Lovely!!
And Drowning... wooooowwww... so dreaming... and so evocative.. Totally enjoyed the rhymes!!! I think I have been there myself! In fact, I am still drowning in his eyes, but only now, he has seen me and we are together :) You will know what I mean if you read my One Shot :)

Best Wishes...

Beachanny said...

Related to the strangers on a train; but I found kindness and good manners pay off in friendship if not love. I once had parties on my "go to work" bus.
Re: unmade bed. Give up the guilt. I read that you're healthier if you leave your bed unmade...all the micros die if exposed to air and sunlight. Covered they breed...so smile for that!

kaykuala said...

Brenda,
How come she's cool to him. Something's got to give. Excellent!

dustus said...

Enjoyed both poems. The former really grips at my heartstrings. Wonderful word choices and full of feeling.

moondustwriter said...

Ahhh both pieces are marvelous
your imagery is tight of the waiting, falling in love, waving - it's a poignant scene
and the bed - has lots to tell

thanks
always glad to see you at One Shot

smiles