When did all this kissing start
(Of which I don't want any part)?
When did the stern and steady Brits
Start these kissy-kissy fits?
When was it that this double-kissing
Filled a void we'd not been missing.
I like my friends, I'm even fond,
But kissy-kiss goes quite beyond
All that's required of any greeting!
Oh the joy of a smiling meeting!
Half the time they kiss the air
Or get a mouthful of my hair!
When I'm approached by pouting lips,
Something inside me sort of flips!
I back away (though it's not polite)
While uttering welcomes of delight!
Hypocrisy is my undoing
When it comes to all this friendly 'wooing'.
Not brave enough to say 'Get off!'
I give a little nervous cough,
Pretend I'm otherwise engaged,
And no doubt leave the 'friend' enraged.
The French have always kissed like this;
They invented the kissy-kiss.
They're used to offering 'the other cheek'
But I feel quite a sense of pique
When good old Brits get Frenchified
And kissy-kiss from side to side.
Next time,(my strategy is planned....),
I'm going to damn well shake your hand!
Another unfortunate kiss here: