Friday, August 12, 2011

Wood If I Could


GRANDMA'S GOULASH
supplied the illustration

WOOD IF I COULD

Here lies an ancient Mr Wood;
He isn't feeling very good.
His shoulders, elbows, hips and knees
And other old joints such as these
Seem to have given up the ghost.
I don't know which one's hurting most.
Were he human, like you and me,
He would be fretting grievously,
Thinking of all the medical plans,
X-rays, injections, probes and scans!
All the looming operations,
Blood transfusions, medications!
All the weeks rehabilitating,
Every second so frustrating!
But he is wooden, so replacing
Wooden bits is all he's facing.
He will soon be lithe and limber
Aided by little bits of timber.
A human, made of flesh and blood,
By comparison, seems a dud!
*

---------------------------------------------------------


STUFF STRUTTING!
Strut is a really lovely word!
And 'Strutting your stuff' is a phrase
That conjurs up a person
Who's 'with it' in many ways.
One doesn't strut unless one feels
Confident and charming;
A 'strutter' has a savoir faire
That is verging on alarming.
A strutter must be tall, of course,
A Strutter must be slim,
A Strutter must be beautiful
And sexy to the brim!
Now, Maxine has, let's say, panache,
And she's pretty entertaining,
But I doubt if she ever strutted
So I doubt if the strutting's waning!
Look at those legs! It's not just age
That's made them look that way!
Straight up and down and skinny too.
Like a chicken's in the hay!
Look at that bust! You can't tell me
It ever was curvaceous!
Look at that face! Imagine it
Dimpling and vivacious!
I know you can't because, you see,
She didn't have what it takes!
So she turned to being the soul of wit
About other folks' mistakes!
She sharpened her tongue since she never could
Be a sweet delectable cutie,
And, over the years, she practised till
Her witticisms were fruity.
Your stuff hasn't strutted off, Maxine!
It simply never existed.
And you're so droll and comical
That we never even missed it!
*

8 comments:

Pat said...

Ah, if only our re-building could be as easy as it is for Mr. Wood.

Loved your Maxine poem. Your witticisms are always fruity, and I mean that in the best way.

SparkleFarkle said...

Bravissimo! Your Succinctly Yours entry is tops!

Pooch said...

Yay-yay for your clever poetry!
:)

Susan Fobes said...

I loved both poems! Oh to just be able to replace a worn out limb...

Helen said...

As long as he doesn't get woodworm he'll be okay.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Awesome, as always! Your prose is never "wooden" and I do so enjoy when you "strut your stuff" (poetry-wise, of course.) Great entry!

Akelamalu said...

New joints for Mr Wood - that should be easy peasy! LOL

Grandma's Goulash said...

I'd gladly skip all the medical stuff in favor of a little timber. Excellent point and fun verse!