Monday, October 10, 2011

Foot in Mouth



When Eric was at the bus-stop, making his homeward way,
A beautiful woman smiled at him and it really made his day.
'You're the father of one of my children' the lovely lady said,
And Eric blushed to the roots of his hair; he really went bright red.
He remembered her now from five years ago when he'd had a big night out;
He and his friends had been drinking, rather a lot, no doubt.
'I remember you! said Eric; 'You wore those feathery things
And you had tassles on your bra! Gosh, you did clever swings!'
(The people standing at the stop looked at the pair aghast
As several buses came their way and all of them went past!)
Eric went on 'That pole dance! I gave a tremendous clap!
And you were attracted to me and came and sat in my lap!
Then, when the show was over, I came back to your flat.
At the time you said we'd have coffee and, maybe a little chat.
But of course,' said Eric loudly 'One thing led to another.
But I really must apologise if now you're a single mother!'
Eric grinned quite broadly, remembering his night of fun.
'Excuse me' said the lady . 'I'm Miss Smith. I teach your son.'



Elvis Presley sang about a 'Wooden Heart'
But he never mentioned any other part!
Carried to its logical conclusion
Maybe other body parts deserved inclusion!
Entirely wooden bodies, not just hearts!
How simple, then, would be 'replacement parts.'!
The surgeon, with a nut, a bolt, a screw
Could make a body quite as good as new!
And everyone around would understand
When the surgeon said to staff  'Give me a hand.'

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