Sunday, March 15, 2009

335. All Ears!

                   Giuseppe Maria Crespi

SIMPLY SNICKERS suggests another religious artist this week.
 And I'm sorry to say that brings out the satirist in me! I think the artist was of the same mind!


This-morning I had to run a session
For sinners needing a confession.
In my parish there's so much sin
I can scarcely fit them in!
A double-windowed booth is needed,
So two at a time can be acceded!
The village is rife with lust and crime
So listening takes up all my time!
An elderly gentleman came in first
Whispering something about his thirst!
It seems he'd been drinking to excess;
It relieved his spirit to confess.
He comes in often with this old story,
Hoping that he will 'go to glory'
If he admits he's out of line.
Then off he goes to drink more wine!
As he droned on with the same old list....
Brandy, whiskey, nothing missed....
I sensed a movement to my right
There, in the shadows, out of sight.
A pretty girl, all swathed in black
Came close and whispered in the crack.
And, my! That was a revelation!
She was in a tricky situation,
Involving the local Mayor no less!
She'd disgusting items to confess!
Also involved was the Mayor's son!
I can't tell you the terrible things she'd done!
Of course, I'm innocent as the day
But I had to take note of the things she'd say.
I frequently asked for repetition,
To reinforce the girl's contrition.
And, if I required an explanation,
I'd delve into her motivation.
'That's not quite clear' I'd whisper low;
'There's so much more I need to know.'
Other parishioners, there, were waiting,
And the poor young girl kept hesitating.
'Don't be afraid' I gently said;
Then 'Did you defile the marriage bed?'
Confession's normally over soon,
But we lingered until afternoon!
(The man admitting inebriation,
Gave-up, on viewing the situation.)
She went home cleansed, a holier soul,
Innocent, unblemished, whole.
But I said, for I know the ways of men,

'Come back, dear, if it happens again!'


Winifred said...

Talk about multitasking!

Reader Wil said...

Great poem! I love it! You are a fantastic poet. It's so funny! Thank you! There used to be a lot of hypocrisy going on in the church.

Winifred said...

Forgot to say I enjoyed Matt Munro song On Days Like These in the background, haven't heard it for a long time. He had a lovely voice. Was this the theme song from The Quiller Memorandum?

bobbie said...

That's a pretty amusing painting!

Darlene said...

Brenda, you keep surpassing yourself. This is hilarious and so clever. I love it.

The Write Girl said...

This defines "Simply Snickers."
This is one of the wittiest and funniest poems I've read. Thanks for the treat. I'm sure the priest was only trying to "help" the poor dear. Love the last line! Too funny and nicely done : )

Sylvia K said...

I'm having trouble typing because the poem is so funny and I can't stop laughing! I love it! And the shadow shot, too!!

Shannon said...

I just LOVE your writing style! I can only hope to write half as well as you SOMEDAY!!! And your shadow shot... FAB! love how ti goes all the way down the pier!

LA Nickers said...

What a rollicking riot!

So much fun.

Thanks for participating at SIMPLY SNICKERS. Next week's prompt is up!



Kat said...

mmmmm.. a second come back..!!!
Witty and naughty as usual.