Friday, September 12, 2008

The Secret

Percolation! Percolation!
Here's my shocking situation!
I have tried and tried  and tried
To offer coffee cups with pride!
Every blend I've had a go at,
But it's something I am slow at.
If I try Italian Roast,
So that, maybe, I can boast
Of being rather upper class,
It turns-out an utter farce!
I try Americano next
But I always end up vexed,
Vexed by oddly harsh aromas
That surely won't win me diplomas!
This sounds easy ..... Cafe Breva!
I'm sure they serve it in Geneva!
But, in my kitchen, it tastes foul
And all my guests can do is scowl!
Macchiato? Pleasant name,
But it turns out just the same,
Lots of dregs and rather gritty.
What a let-down! What a pity!
Let's have a go at Hammerhead.
That should give me Coffee Cred.
Disappointment once again!
Pour the lot straight down the drain.
Let's try this ..... Kopi Tobruk.
I found it in a coffee book.
It sounded good expressed in words,
But my result was for the birds.
But lately I have given up
All yearning for the perfect cup.
When guests are seated idly waiting,
Fragrant coffee anticipating,
I get the percolator going,
Out in the open where it's showing.
I stand it somewhere in plain view
Where folk can see what it can do.
My guests can see it as it rumbles,
And the mixture swirls and tumbles.
They see the liquid rich and brown,
Boiling up and boiling down.
They sit around and sniff the air,
Knowing there's perfect coffee there.
The percolator's whisked away
And my deceit comes into play.
Now I make sure that I will WIN!
As I get out the INSTANT tin!
A spoonful here, a spoonful there,
Nothing rash or rich or rare.
Just that sort of powdery stuff,
Rather cheap and rather rough.
Guests never see my sleight of hand.
They say 'My dear, this coffee's grand!
Do you grind the beans yourself?
Or simply buy them off the shelf?
Tell us your secret! Tell us do!
This is a delicious brew!'
I smile mysteriously and say
'It's a special blend from Old Cathay.'
Percolation! Percolation!
I've preserved my reputation!


Anonymous said...

Urgh! Percolation is for the birds. Try pouring hot water on to freshly ground coffee, push down the filter and, hey presto, you have uncooked, unAmerican coffee! Very Euro! For special events, add a spoonful or two of ice cream to hot coffee, and/or cognac! Anonymous

Kat said...

A roller-coasting introduction to justify the sleight-of-hand in the end..!!!! :)

TV channels here recommend this technique to new Daughter-in-Laws to get into the good books of their Percolation-Coffee loving MILs..!!

Nice Poem. I liked it.

anthonynorth said...

Enjoyed that - but sadly I don't enjoy coffee at all. Strictly a tea man.

Bear Naked said...

I need to go to coffee school, either that or get a job at a Starbucks and learn the art of becoming a barista.

Bear((( )))

Preethi said...

lol .. good one.. I love columbian roast.. but yeah I know what you mean! folgers instant coffee has saved my pride once too often!! {wink}


Mari Meehan said...

So this is why the British drink tea! Who'd have guessed!

Anonymous said...

This is percolated perfection! I laughed my head off at it. And what you have said is so true. What ever I do I can never get my coffee to taste the way it smells. I have however found a brand of instant which I too manage to pass off as the real thing!

Anonymous said...

I've enjoyed your view and I forgotten all about percolator and maybe it time for a switch. Thank You. I was very entertained. With my Scherzo playing.(#9)

TJ said...

I am laughing....
what an entry on a tuff topic and that music is perfect!!
Thanks for the smiles.

linda may said...

Very funny Rinkly. I enjoyed that.

susan said...

If making coffee had been that involved, I might not have been the drinker I am. lol

Rambler said...

I have always been an Americano person..but your simple grinded one makes me want to taste it as ASAP :)

Anonymous said...

'Now let my little ruse begin
As I get out the INSTANT tin!'

Those words above all have brought a charp and heart-felt laugh to this Sunday reader! Thank-you for your kind words! As always,


Patois42 said...

Heh heh heh. I suppose you could easily trick me with this.

Overeducated Twit said...

This made me smile, and some of the rhymes were quite cleverly done. As someone who's been accused of coffee snobbery, I'm curious now as to whether such a sleight of hand would work on me. Hmm...

Pirate Princess said...

Ahhh... aren't you the sly one?

Jim said...

Brenda, I like this! I think this is you writing YOUR true progress in coffee making. If it is not YOU portrayed, then it fits the typical coffee maker world-wide.

I feel I have perfected coffee making to the point just below being a connoisseur.
My procedure is to drip-make 8-12 cups in the morning of mostly a Louisiana coffee called 'Community Coffee' (two parts decaf, one part medium grind) mixed with one part Folgers Hazelnut regular coffee.
When I make it strong enough there are no complaints.
When I run out I switch to Folgers, Regular and Decaf (Instant), half and half.

Anonymous said...

What a joy for the sense of taste. Please have a good new week.

daily athens

Pam said...

What a great and fun read. I wish I could strive for all that coffee knowledge - haven't heard of most of the types. Love the twist at the end.

Tumblewords: said...

You could fool me - hilarious piece!

Amity said...

you're really a coffee connoisseur and a connoisseur of words!

lovely poem dear! you always left your readers in awe! what with the beautiful rhyme also!

thanks Brenda for sharing a wonderful and great-tasting take on my prompt!

have a coffee-filled week...:)

Harshad Mehta said...

Enjoyed reading.

gautami tripathy said...

Now I want some coffee!

musty scent of love

Ramesh Sood said...

Wow! Why don't you start and give a competition to Starbucks.. not that I have visited.. read a book recently by Michael Gill..on his experiences in starbucks.. well, couldn't relate with the tastes but found words and structure truly brewing well andd tasty..

gabrielle said...

I would love a pour from that spout. I would love to sit in your kitchen.

Mary said...

A fun poem, as I sit drinking my brewed "Starbucks Caramel" coffee this morning. My coffee maker is drip. No percolation for me.

Ella said...

I'm heading to Starbucks later today; I love coffee. Heady, earthy brew that awakens one's soul...pour some over here! lol Fun to read; very clever of you~

Unknown said...

Tricky girl!
Terrific write and romp with words.
Me? I'm a milky tea gal.

Isabel Doyle said...

well done - excellent poem as you would know from all the raves before me. The answer is to only offer tea, in my experience!

madhumakhi said...

Funny tale. I can relate to it as my mom always gets complemented on her coffee making skills. But only i know her secret. She buys coffee powder with chicory in it which gives the decoction required texture, not pure filter coffee powder.

The Poet said... little devil you!
Thanks for sharing your secret.