THE SECRET
Percolation! Percolation!
Here's my shocking situation!
I have tried and tried and tried
To offer coffee cups with pride!
Every blend I've had a go at,
But it's something I am slow at.
If I try Italian Roast,
So that, maybe, I can boast
Of being rather upper class,
It turns-out an utter farce!
I try Americano next
But I always end up vexed,
Vexed by oddly harsh aromas
That surely won't win me diplomas!
This sounds easy ..... Cafe Breva!
I'm sure they serve it in Geneva
But, in my kitchen, it tastes foul
And all my guests can do is scowl!
Macchiato? Pleasant name,
But it turns out just the same,
Lots of dregs and rather gritty.
What a let-down! What a pity!
Let's have a go at Hammerhead.
That should give me Coffee Cred.
Disappointment once again!
Pour the lot straight down the drain.
Let's try this ..... Kopi Tobruk.
I found it in a coffee book.
It sounded good expressed in words,
But my result was for the birds.
But lately I have given up
All yearning for the perfect cup.
When guests are seated idly waiting,
Fragrant coffee anticipating,
I get the percolator going,
Out in the open where it's showing.
I stand it somewhere in plain view
Where folk can see what it can do.
My guests can see it as it rumbles,
And the mixture swirls and tumbles.
They see the liquid rich and brown,
Boiling up and boiling down.
They sit around and sniff the air,
Knowing there's perfect coffee there.
The percolator's whisked away
And my deceit comes into play.
Now I make sure that I will WIN!
As I get out the INSTANT tin!
As I get out the INSTANT tin!
A spoonful here, a spoonful there,
Nothing rash or rich or rare.
Just that sort of powdery stuff,
Rather cheap and rather rough.
Guests never see my sleight of hand.
They say 'My dear, this coffee's grand!
Do you grind the beans yourself?
Or simply buy them off the shelf?
Tell us your secret! Tell us do!
This is a delicious brew!'
I smile mysteriously and say
'It's a special blend from Old Cathay.'
Percolation! Percolation!
I've preserved my reputation!
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