COMPARISONS ARE ODIOUS!
Call that a crest, Old Codger!
That white thing on your head!
If I had that
Silly looking hat
I'd really rather be dead!
Now this is a crest, Old Codger,
This glorious yellow thing,
That points and furls
And crisps and curls
And makes me look like a king!
With a natural glory, Old Codger,
You cannot ever compete!
I'm feeling bolder
On your shoulder!
Quick! Gimme something to eat!
*
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Although England is a small island there are tremendous differences in local accents. When I moved, as a child, from Kent to Staffordshire, my accent was considered very weird! (And vice versa!)
THE WEIRD WORDS!
* 'Cost kick a boh agin a woh, yed it and bost it?'
*
Can you read the words I've written up above?
It's a simple little phrase, you must agree.
But as someone from the South,
With a fat plum in her mouth,
The dialect was foreign as a phrase can be.
*
My father took a job in Staffordshire
So we all moved holus-bolus up from Kent.
And there, just as we feared,
Our accent was thought weird,
And we were laughed at everywhere we went.
*
I longed to speak the same as all my friends.
(Yes, peer-pressure was around in days gone by.)
So, to speak just like the others
With an dialect not my Mother's,
I gladly gave the phrase a little try.
*
I practised till it rolled right off my tongue,
As though I'd been a Midlander since birth,
Though, sometimes, my attempt
Was treated with contempt
And my school-mates couldn't quite contain their mirth.
*
My mother was appalled that I should try
To lose the accent that was mine by rights.
She simply couldn't face
A voice that wasn't 'naise'
And I'm sure she suffered many sleepless nights!
*
Now I listen gladly to the BBC,
And hear accents that have come from far and wide.
Voices don't have to be tamed,
They are welcomed and acclaimed.
And a dialect is now a source of pride.
*
*TRANSLATION!
Can you kick a ball against a wall, head it and burst it?'
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