Monday, March 14, 2011

Ill Wind


BIFOCAL UNIVISION
provided the illustration

ILL WIND

When I was a very little lad my Mother said to me
'Make a face like that my boy and you'll see what you will see!
The wind will change direction and your face will stay like that!'
She often said those words to me; I was something of a brat.
Well, I became an adult, but, sadly, I hadn't learned;
My Mother's words were laughed at and her advice was spurned.
I became an Artist's Model, taking off all my clothes,
And sitting for hour upon dreary hour in pose after awkward pose.
Sometimes I stood on one leg, sometimes I spread my arms,
Sometimes I flexed my muscles to show-off my manly charms.
I remember on this occasion I was asked to stand on my head!
I begged, indeed I pleaded, for a sitting pose instead!
'No! No! You must be upsidedown!'; the sculptor looked quite grim
And I decided I'd had enough! I would face up to him!
I sat down heavily on a bench; I was in an awful mood;
I would stay there till he changed his mind; I'd just sit there and brood.
Resting my chin upon my fist, I pouted like a child,
Fully intending to drive the sculptor absolutely wild.
Too late I remembered my mother's words, and her chastising tone,
The wind changed at that moment, and I was turned to stone!
*

----------------------------------------------------------------


THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS

I sing in praise of The Little Black dress!
Always certain to impress.
Dress, it up or dress it down;
Wear in the country or in town.
Add a genuine row of pearls
To be the envy of other girls!
Add a scarf with nonchalance
And see who gets a second glance.
Add, at the hem, some fripperies
To draw attention to your knees!
Take care there's a decolletage
Unless your bosom's just too large!
Casually drop a shoulder
(Not advisable if you're older!)
Cover-up to be surprising
Wear long sleeves (they're tantalising!)
Or cut right back to shoe-string straps;
If you're daring, just one, perhaps.
Make in old-time crepe-de-chine
On your old-time sewing-machine.
Or buy one at a posh boutique,
And look particularly sleek.
A little lace, still black, of course,
Would be a pretty tour de force!
Add, if you have one, a big jet ring!
Enhance the black with that extra bling.
Shoes with really teetering heels,
(Not good for dancing Scottish reels!)
Will make you look your legs look even longer;
You might be able to do the Conga!
But the Conga is, maybe, too Old Hat.
I hadn't really thought of that!
The Conga, my dear, is terribly dated
A Little Black Dress is sophisticated!
Which may explain this sad confession....
I haven't got one in my possession!
*

3 comments:

Jingle Poetry said...

apt words, childhood experiences impact life...in many ways.

keep up the excellence.

Kathe W. said...

I too was warned many a time that my face would freeze like that if I wasn't careful!

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Being turned to stone in that position is worse than being turned to a pillar of salt - at least salt will wash away in the rain.