Mama's Blue Dress

MAMA'S BLUE DRESS

They tell me she's my mother and I must be close at hand,

But to me she's just a lady, rather regal, rather grand.
Mama is this strange lady in a lovely dress of blue,
I'm not too sure about Mothers; I wonder what they do.

I rarely see Mama because she's got a lot of money.

The idea of her touching me is really rather funny.
At first I cried and stamped my foot and wouldn't be consoled
The artist said an animal would be the thing to hold.
So they've put a monkey on my arm; it's really rather scary,
With horrid beady little eyes and a nasty face, all hairy.
Why am I here, I wonder! The artist said, with pride,
That I was needed to represent Mama's maternal side.
I wonder what 'maternal' means; 'mother' is just a word;
The thought of ever kissing her is really quite absurd!

My Nurse is a soft and squashy; she has lovely chubby cheeks

And her voice has got a gentle burr; I hear it when she speaks.

She likes to hold me on her knee; I lean upon her breast,

A lovely place for stories and a cosy place to rest.

She washes me and dresses me, and gives me food to eat,
She smells of fruit and honey and everything that's sweet.
One day I'm going to marry her, because I love her so.
But this lady in the crinkly dress? No, no no!

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THE PERFECT FOUNDATION!

I once was a Sweet Adeline,

Though I didn't last very long.

The singers each side of me winced

Whenever I burst into song!

But, during my stay with the group,

We were lectured by some learned dame

Who visited us from the land

From whence all Sweet Adelines came.

She told us the way we should stand;

She told us the way we should dress;

She told us the way we should breathe

And I took it all in, more or less.

But I was dumbfounded to hear

The words that she finally spoke;

Indeed, I felt sure, for a while,

That she must have been making a joke!

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'When it comes to a really good choir

We can never leave one thing to chance;

Your lipsticks must match, that you know,

But so must your bras and your pants!

Have a day out and buy a new set

Make sure that they're matching and lacy,

So that Norma's are just like Irene's 

And those worn by Mildred and Gracie.

Your choir will win such accolades,

You might get a standing ovation!

Your undies must match, though unseen,

For they are the perfect foundation!'

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