A flippant look at the subject.
WASTE NOT! WANT NOT!
Returning unexpectedly, Clarice went up to her room
And there she got a very great surprise
For her husband was in residence plus a very lovely girl!
Needless to say she let out startled cries!
The girl departed hastily and Clarice fronted-up
To Jim, the wayward husband, in this wise.....
'Give me an explanation for this terrible behaviour!
And, watch it now, I don't want any lies!'
Jim, by now in dressing-gown, got her a cup of tea,
And then settled down to set the matter right.
'Poor thing' he said 'She called round here with a collection tin!
She looked so thin, so hungry and so white!
I could see she needed clothes for she was shivering in the cold
So I racked my brains and then I got a thought.
You know that coat I bought you that you never ever wore!
Well I gave it to her! It was just her sort!
Then she said she felt so starving that she thought that she might die,
And I recalled those chocolates on the shelf;
You know, the ones I bought you that you never deigned to eat!
Several times I thought I'd eat the lot myself!
While she was standing eating I noticed her poor neck,
Devoid of any jewelry at all.
And I thought about that necklace that I bought you in July
The one with diamonds you said were too small.
She was just about to leave when she stopped dead in her tracks,
And her pleading look it cut me like a knife;
'Is there any other thing' she said 'That you can bring to mind
That isn't being used much by your wife'!'
A slightly less titillating double bed here: