Once Nigel died I felt so much alone,
Suddenly my old social life fell flat.
Nobody invited me to parties any more,
Nobody put out the Welcome Mat.
I was that 'extra woman'! That was me,
The one that other women dread and fear,
I saw them clinging to a 'hubby's' arm,
In case that 'extra woman' should appear!
So imagine my delight when Mary rang
Out of the blue and quite polite (for her);
' Come here to tea on Sunday afternoon.
And, don't forget, a hat is 'de rigeur'!'
I was delighted and I baked a cake,
A chocolate one with buttons on the top,
To take with me to show my gratitude.
I didn't even buy one at the shop.
I wore my pink hat with the ribbon bow,
The one I wore to Hetty's farewell 'do'
And my floral dress with all the applique
And roses on the collar, pink and blue.
Imagine the acute distress I felt
When I saw the other four were in the nude!
It really gave me quite a nasty turn!
It almost took my mind off party food!
'Come on!' screeched Mary 'Get off all your gear!"
And Henry cried 'Come on! Get 'in the pink'!
'Make sure you keep your hat on!' Gertie said.
I didn't quite know what to do or think!
I wanted to be in the swim again,
Having a social life just like before,
But, on the other hand, I didn't care
To be a part of 'what the butler saw'!
I noticed Albert had quite skinny legs,
And Gertie was quite droopy, although small,
While Henry had a paunch he couldn't hide
And Mary hadn't got a waist at all.
Let me repeat that it was gratitude
That made me strip my dress off there and then!
Whatever it might take I'd do my best
To be a social butterfly again!
At least I had my hat on! It felt good
To know that I was partly clothed at least,
So I relaxed and simply settled down
Intending to enjoy the garden feast.
After a while I noticed Henry's cup
Was empty so I hastened with the pot,
I admit I leaned quite close to pour the tea
Which was wonderfully amber and quite hot.
I saw that Henry flushed but that was all!
Our contact was an accident of course!
But Gertie shouted 'Get away from him!'
So loudly that she sounded almost hoarse!
'I knew we shouldn't trust her to come here!
An 'extra woman' was a great mistake!
Get your clothes on, Audrey, and begone!
Don't think that you can bribe us with your cake!'
Now fully dressed I scuttled from the place,
My social life truncated! That was that!
What social boundary did I overstep?........
I think, maybe, they didn't like my hat!'
Manners to the fore here: