My friend, Barbara Schubach, sent me this handy-hint today. I thought I'd publish it straight way in case there are coughers out there who don't realise that help is at hand! (Sorry if your attitude is the same as Malcolm's!)
Friend Barbara knows a myriad tricks;
The latest one's concerned with Vicks....
The VapoRub that stops congestion
(But doesn't do much for indigestion!)
As my picture above suggests,
Mothers have rubbed it on the chests
Of wheezing children for years and years,
Lulling to sleep the little dears.
The vaporous fumes have cleared the nose
And brought about a night's repose.
Little Delias and Dominics
Have gone to sleep to the smell of Vicks.
Now Barbara's made a discovery
And she has passed it on to me.
When you're gripped by a cough that's hacking,
And dreamless sleep is entirely lacking
Smother Vicks on the soles of your FEET
And find out that it works a treat!
Wear your bedsocks! Yes, you must!
Sorry, we can't mix Vicks and Lust!
Wait a few moments and you'll find
You're seduced by warmth of a different kind.
Creeping up along your frame
A langorous heat that knows no shame!
Soon you'll find you're nodding off
Without a cough! Without a cough!
Barbara tells me it feels sublime
What's more it works each and every time!
One hundred percent is what she quoted.
( Scientific data that should be noted.)
Undisturbed you'll sleep all night,
Waking to feel relaxed and bright.
I'm waiting to host a passing germ,
One that may make me feel infirm.
So that I can test this credo.
Though it wont do much for my libido!
(Oh dear! I hope this isn't a bore!
Malcolm says he's heard it all before!)