Injuries!

INJURIES!

The British have 'stiff upper lips'; they're good at fortitude.

They treat decapitation as a little interlude!
See how this jolly fellow smiles! He's definitely British!
The more he's pierced and knifed and cut the more he's growing skittish!

His foot's on fire! He's lost both legs! And his arms aren't too secure!

As for his head, it's been attacked by something like a skewer!

I see he's hanging by the neck! No wonder he's kaput!

His insides seem to be falling out! And a nail has pierced his foot!
I see there are 'illustrations'! I bet they're pretty gory!
'Read all about it!' Yes, indeed!
It's the gaping-inside story!
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MUST YOU?

When did all this kissing start

(Of which I don't want any part)?

When did the stern and steady Brits

Start these kissy-kissy fits?

When was it that this double-kissing

Filled a void we'd not been missing.

I like my friends, I'm even fond,

But kissy-kiss goes quite beyond

All that's required of any greeting!

Oh the joy of a smiling meeting!

Half the time they kiss the air

Or get a mouthful of my hair!

When I'm approached by pouting lips,

Something inside me sort of flips!

I back away (though it's not polite)

While uttering welcomes of delight!

Hypocrisy is my undoing

When it comes to all this friendly 'wooing'.

Not brave enough to say 'Get off!'

I give a little nervous cough,

Pretend I'm otherwise engaged,

And no doubt leave the 'friend' enraged.

The French have always kissed like this;

They invented the kissy-kiss.

They're used to offering 'the other cheek'

But I feel quite a sense of pique

When good old Brits get Frenchified

And kissy-kiss from side to side.

Next time,(my strategy is planned....),

I'm going to damn well shake your hand!

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