Red Riding Hood

RED RIDING HOOD

The Red Riding Hood of my youth was a dainty, childish creature.

Big blue eyes and their look of fear were always a prominent feature.

And, above all, she was innocent, and really rather shy.

She didn't know the ways of the world. Come to think of it, neither did I!

The Wolf was just an animal, ferocious and rather hairy,

But still, he wasn't macabre and strange, even though he made life scary.

But innocence has flown away, like a butterfly in the woods,

And every little fairy tale has been changed to 'deliver the goods'.

Are there any innocent little babes left in this world today,

Playing utterly childish games, the ones that we used to play?

Every heroine's sexual, the Wolf isn't after food!

It's 'boobs' and muscles and innuendo, all of it rather crude.

'Innocence' is old-fashioned; one rarely hears the word.

And maybe I'm an old woman who's verging on the absurd.

But children grow-up too quickly, at least to my way of thinking.

Childhood should be innocent.

After all, it's gone in a blinking.

*

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CELLULITE

Oh how I hate the apple which is smooth and round and bright,

And not in the least affected by the dreadful cellulite!

I have a seething hatred for the beastly little grape,

Which also is unblemished and a neat and rounded shape.

Why should a cherry glisten and reflect the morning sun?

Why is it that the orange is the only pock-marked one?

I agree, the poor old lemon and the grapefruit also suffer,

But my skin's more indented and the texture seems much rougher.

They are distant cousins. I avoid them when I can.

A lemon's such a sour thing and quite an also-ran.

But the pear sits in the fruit-bowl in yellow pride indulging!

And it's such a fascinating shape! Part thin and then part bulging!

A pineapple, I must agree, has troubles of its own,

But at least it can defend itself; that's why its spikes are grown.

Then, look at the banana! Now there's a skin to sigh for!

Skin that's smooth and rubbery and a yellow that I'd die for.

Now I step into this treatment in the hope that I'll emerge

Quite free from all my cellulite; that most unpleasant scourge!

I'll have a skin that's good to stroke, and shiny in the sun,

I'll get rid of my cellulite and start to have some fun.

I'll find the nearest apple and I'll kick it in the shin!

And, for the first time in my life, I'll be 'happy in my skin'.

*

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