Hopeless Case

HOPING FOR HUMOUR
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2011/03/03/hope-humor/

Topic.... 'Hope'.

HOPELESS CASE

A young lady called Hope couldn't cope.

She said 'My Mum was clearly a dope!

She was to blame

For she gave me that name

And now I have given-up hope!'
*

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WHAT A SHAME!

The pretty galah's feeling small!

It's beauty does no good at all!

The thing that has mattered

And made him feel shattered

Is driving him right up the wall!

Of all of the bright birds in Australia,

And many have brilliant regalia,

This poor bird is named

And horribly shamed

By the fact that he represents failure!

If I have a slight prang in my car

Or I step in a mess of wet tar

Any Aussie who's near

Will shout out loud and clear

'Well! Aren't you a proper galah!'

To be called a galah is not nice

(I've been called one myself once or twice!)

But this parrot, I think,

With its feathers of pink

Should certainly not pay the price!

*

Comparisons 3/4/11

COMPARISONS ARE ODIOUS!

Call that a crest, Old Codger!

That white thing on your head!

If I had that

Silly looking  hat

I'd really rather be dead!

Now this is a crest, Old Codger,

This glorious yellow thing,

That points and furls

And crisps and curls

And makes me look like a king!

With a natural glory, Old Codger,

You cannot ever compete!

I'm feeling bolder

On your shoulder!

Quick! Gimme something to eat!

*

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Although England is a small island there are tremendous differences in local accents. When I moved, as a child, from Kent to Staffordshire, my accent was considered very weird! (And vice versa!)

THE WEIRD WORDS!

* 'Cost kick a boh agin a woh, yed it and bost it?'

*

Can you read the words I've written up above?

It's a simple little phrase, you must agree.

But as someone from the South,

With a fat plum in her mouth,

The dialect was foreign as a phrase can be.

*

My father took a job in Staffordshire

So we all moved holus-bolus up from Kent.

And there, just as we feared,

Our accent was thought weird,

And we were laughed at everywhere we went.

*

I longed to speak the same as all my friends.

(Yes, peer-pressure was around in days gone by.)

So, to speak just like the others

With an dialect not my Mother's,

I gladly gave the phrase a little try.

*

I practised till it rolled right off my tongue,

As though I'd been a Midlander since birth,

Though, sometimes, my attempt

Was treated with contempt

And my school-mates couldn't quite contain their mirth.

*

My mother was appalled that I should try

To lose the accent that was mine by rights.

She simply couldn't face

A voice that wasn't 'naise'

And I'm sure she suffered many sleepless nights!

*

Now I listen gladly to the BBC,

And hear accents that have come from far and wide.

Voices don't have to be tamed,

They are welcomed and acclaimed.

And a dialect is now a source of pride.

*

*TRANSLATION!

Can you kick a ball against a wall, head it and burst it?'

The Rain in Spain

LOTS OF LAUGHTER

http://thelaughtersite.blogspot.com/
asks us to write a limerick about  'Rain'.

THE RAIN IN SPAIN

There was a young lady from Spain

Who went out for a walk in the rain

But a deluge descended

And she was up-ended,

And got washed-away down a drain!

*
(And my very old friend, Trevor, has already sent a sequel!)

That intrepid young lady from Spain
Last heard of when washed down a drain
She swam and she swam
'Til she came to a dam
And climbed out to start over again!
*
(So I respond)
 
The young lady must be a bit dense!
She hasn't an atom of sense.
She might think it ripping
To struggle out dripping,
But she'll soon find she's in the past tense!
*
(This could go on for ever!........It does!)

That young lady you tried to banish
She's not only wet but she's Spanish
You did not know she could swim
So you are out on a limb
As she constantly refuses to vanish!
 
(Finale )
 
Your finale was witty and clever.
We could write back and forward for ever!
The lady from Spain
I treat with disdain!
The prize goes to you, my dear Trevor!
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ONE MAN'S MEAT

'One man's meat is another man's poison!'

I've heard that said and I'm sure that it's true.

This sort of pattern does nothing for me!

It may be the last word in fashion for you!

I remember the seventies! Weren't they just awful!

The things that we wore were devoid of all taste!

The obvious colours competing for dominance!

The bright repeat-patterns we gladly embraced!

And now they've come back again! Can you believe it!

The High Street's awash with the same garish stuff.

I've lived long enough to see hist'ry repeated!

But the seventies! Surely just once was enough!

*

From A to Z

                  From  Google

COLOR CARNIVAL

FROM A TO Z

See how creative you can be

When you're designing an ABC!

Pencils.....yellow, orange, red....

Each with a most unusual lead.

Someone's carved with the utmost care

The alphabet that we see there.

But I'd love to know the history

Of these old pencils that I see.

The metal bits have received a chew;

I can see the tooth marks showing through!

The erasers have been used and used,

Some quite rubbed-out and abused!

The coloured paint has been chipped and scraped;

Not one pencil has escaped!

What tortured tales each one could tell

Of  the pupil who never learned to spell;

Of the lover who couldn't quite design

Anything better than 'Please be mine';

Of the criminal with ill intent;

Of the debtor when the money's spent.

See the writers in a row

Biting, chewing, writhing so!

These pencils are a compilation

Of every human situation.

Forget the clever  ABC!

Here you see human history.

*

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REINCARNATION

(An Acrostic)

Round and round humanity marches

Emerging from eternal arches

In an incessant catch-up game,

Never escaping praise or blame

Can it be you've been courageous?

Are your sins just too outrageous?

Rated! That's how you will be!

Neatly labeled A.B.C.

And can you bear to face the fact

That this wont be the final act?

It may be you'll come back a bug

Or a slippery slimy slug!

Next time I do this earthly tour

I'll watch my Ps and Qs for sure!

*

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PS

Another happy melodrama day yesterday. This time we had our full complement, but a smaller audience.... a group called 'The Retired Friends'. They seemed a little subdued at first but they soon entered into the spirit of the thing with a will and were qute prepared to make fools of themselves at our instigation. They plied us with tasty sandwiches and cake and fruit afterwards. We have performed 'Unhand Me!' so many times now that I think the play may have to be retired!

Four extremely lively 'dead bodies'!

A special one for Ross who played the 'Virgin' very realistically.

Me adjusting 'Poor Old Peg's 'shawl.

Better Off Me

POETIC ASIDES

http://blog.writersdigest.com/poeticasides

asks us for a 'Better Off' piece.
and
THURSDAY THEME
http://thursdaythemesong.blogspot.com/

BETTER OFF ME

To be sung to the tune of 'What a Wonderful World'

Though I've had my day,

And I'm old and grey,

I look around and then I say,

From what I can see

I'm better off Me.

There is too much rain

And too much snow,

Too much wind when cyclones blow.

From what I can see

I'm better off Me.

See children in the school-yard

With things to learn each day!

Then see the poor young parents

With all those bills to pay!

See folk over the sea

Looking grim on TV!

That's when I'm glad

That I am Me!

Now I'd like to be

A Sweet Sixteen,

Be an eternal Dancing Queen,

But, since that cannot be,

I'm better off Me.

From what I can see

I'm better off Me.

*

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HISTORY REPEATING!

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave advice

That I've been turning over ever since.

For I've been forced to think of it far more than once or twice

Though, at the time, his wise words made me wince!

My father said 'Be a teacher! They're never unemployed!

In a Depression there's always work to do.

(I think he saw me bridle; I was really quite annoyed.)

' Jobs a that time were like diamonds; there were very few.

Why! I worked right through the thirties! I was never on the dole!

I took a cut in pay but that was all.

We always had enough for meat and rent and bags of coal,

While many workers' backs were to the wall!'

'Depressions' I said 'Were in YOUR time! This is nineteen-forty-nine!

There's so much work about we have a choice.

We modern people know that we have worked things out just fine!'

(I think a touch of scorn was in my voice!)

Still, I became a teacher as our parents' words were law,

Though I didn't really think of it 'for life'.

'Something else in the future' was just clutching at a straw!

(I'd be a famous writer or a wife!)

And teaching was quite pleasant. Why! I even had a flair

And many days were way, way more than 'nice',

But I sometimes felt a niggle for I felt it wasn't fair

That I'd been given so much dud advice.

But, recently, came the Credit Crunch and things were looking bad

And unemployment loomed, and jobs were few

And I said to my teacher son (an echo straight from Dad............)

'Teaching is great! There's always work to do!'

*

Affinity

THREE WORD WEDNESDAY
http://www.threewordwednesday.com/2011/03/3ww-ccxxx.html

'affinity. fidget. mention.'

AFFINITY

I feel a great affinity with women of the past;

Those brave souls who took the flag and nailed it to the mast.

Their suppression over time, over the centuries,

Their suffering and servitude, their painful histories.

Those clever women treated as the utterly inept;

Those women who just married and then were merely 'kept'.

They would fidget under the stupid rules that kept them second class;

Their treatment as just ornaments, which made their lives a farce.

Their brain-power wasted over years; their physical strengths ignored;

Mentally chained to kitchen sinks, while all the time their spirits soared!

Not to mention their hard-worked bodies, with children every year!

Could I have been a Suffragette and overcome my fear?

I think I'd have lacked the courage and merely toed the line;

But I thank them for the freedom and respect that now are mine.

*
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MADONNA BLUE

Stained glass windows in a wall
Inconspicuous and small,
Blue surround and decoration
With a mood of adoration.
As a choir we sang that day
And, when we were on our way,
I saw these little windows gleam,
With their strong Madonna theme.
I thought how comforting was blue;
Such a very soothing hue.
The elderly could sit and gaze
And think sweet thoughts of earlier days.
While shafts of sunshine pierced the air
And brought some gladness to them there.
An old-age home, quite sad, it's true
But softened with Madonna Blue.
*

Wanted!

WATERY WEDNESDAY
http://waterywednesday.blogspot.com/

WANTED!

Wanted!

 To make this scene complete

A nymph who'd like to dip her feet

In waters calm and cool and sweet.

Where are you?

*

Wanted!

A female in undress,

Willing to flaunt her nakedness,

And swim among the water-cress.

Where are you?

*

Wanted!

A blond with long, long hair,

And lots of attributes to share,

Who's not afraid of going bare.

Where are you?

*

Wanted!

The final finishing touch

To reeds and weeds and rocks and such;

I don't think that I'm asking much.

Where are you?

*

Without a lady in the nude,

This pond looks all too plain and crude.

Oh dear, oh dear! You are a prude!

Who needs you?

*

*

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THE DISH OF MORNING

Illilangi! Long ago,

We stayed there for a day or so.

The real world lay there far below

And shone at dawn.

The avocado trees deep green,

And all the other trees between,

Conspired to make a magic scene

That seemed reborn.

*

The cockatoos flew from the trees,

Borne on a eucalyptus breeze,

And we took breakfast at our ease

And eyed the view.

In front of us the tree-line dipped,

Maybe deliberately clipped.

And still we sat and still we sipped!

As dreamers do.

*

And many years have passed since then;

It could be nine, it could be ten,

But I'd love to go that way again

And see that dish.

That dish that held the morning light!

That contrast that was golden bright!

Those cockatoos in flashing flight!.

Yes, that's my wish

*