Touching!

TOUCHING!

Oh how I hate the apple which is smooth and round and bright,

And not in the least affected by the dreadful cellulite!

I have a seething hatred for the beastly little grape,

Which also is unblemished and a neat and rounded shape.

Why should a cherry glisten and reflect the morning sun?

Why is it that the orange is the only pock-marked one?

I agree, the poor old lemon and the grapefruit also suffer,

But my skin's more indented and the texture seems much rougher.

They are distant cousins. I avoid them when I can.

A lemon's such a sour thing and quite an also-ran.

But the pear sits in the fruit-bowl in yellow pride indulging!

And it's such a fascinating shape! Part thin and then part bulging!

A pineapple, I must agree, has troubles of its own,

But at least it can defend itself; that's why its spikes are grown.

Then, look at the banana! Now there's a skin to sigh for!

Skin that's smooth and rubbery and a yellow that I'd die for.

For it isn't just the cellulite that makes my skin look duller;

It's the aggravating, nauseating, awful

ORANGE

colour!

Yes, orange is the colour of a sunset on the sea,

And orange is the colour of the honey from the bee,

And a bracelet made from amber is a gorgeous orange hue,

And a harvest-moon can be a really lovely orange too.

And then orange is a colour that's favoured by the Dutch.

But I've got my opinion and I just don't like it much.

*

Now I step into this treatment in the hope that I'll emerge

Quite free from all my cellulite; that most unpleasant scourge!

Then off into the bleach I'll go, until my skin is white

And round and white and smooth I'll be, a vision of delight.
Those human-beings change themselves with ointments and the knife!
I know I'm on the verge now of a quite spectacular life!

*

I'll find the nearest apple and I'll kick it in the shin!

And, for the first time in my life, I'll be 'happy in my skin'.