Diagnosis!

CARRY ON TUESDAY

http://carryontuesdayprompt.blogspot.com/2010/09/carry-on-tuesday-72.html

 

The words in blue are the first words of

Regina Spektor’s song 'The Call'

'It started out as a feeling which then grew into a hope'

DIAGNOSIS!

It started out as a feeling

As I lay there in my bed.

I gazed up at the ceiling

Knowing overwhelming dread.

I knew that I was suffering

From some terrible malaise

Which would carry me off in agony

In only a matter of days!

I felt my forehead! It was hot!

But I shivered all the same!

No doubt I'd caught a bad disease,

But I didn't know its name.

I dragged myself, very bravely,

To Google my dread disease,

'Let me die of it quickly!'

This was one of my pleas!

What if I had a nasty growth

Which grew into my liver?

I sat there at the computer;

All I could do was quiver!

Was it cancer or arthritis,

Or a block in a vital tract?

Was I heading for amnesia?

Was it a vitamin I lacked?

The diseases that were listed

Were dreadful in the extreme;

Dying in awful agony

Seemed to be the theme.

My fear grew into an anguish!

'I'd better make my will!'

'I hope it isn't that one!'

'Oh! That one's nastier still!'

Then I turned to 'hypochondria';

That sounded pretty grim!

If I'd got that my chances

Of recovery were slim!

Yes! That was it! Hypochondria!

I liked the sound of it.

I braced my shoulders to face the world,

And suddenly felt quite fit!

*

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SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER

My Saturday Nights aren't fevered!

My temperature's gone down!

At the end of the week

I no longer seek

A night out on the town!

In the days of my youth, I remember,

Shenanigens were a must,

I'd take my chance

On the great romance

Or, at least, a bit of lust!

I'd dream of meeting a lover,

Who'd be dark and slim and tall,

Though I must admit

I wasn't a hit

At the Kensington Town Hall!

I'd be squeezed by paunchy patrons

Who were horribly past their best!

I'd be clutched and mauled

And overhauled,

Grasped tight to a manly chest.

Very rarely, the magic happened,

'Across a crowded room',

I'd think 'Here we go!'

When we said 'Hallo'

And my heart would go 'Boom boom boom!'

But, more often, on Sunday mornings,

I'd wake with that old 'So what!'

The night before

Had proved, as before,

That my property wasn't hot.

And now, as I'm nearing eighty,

I find that my greatest thrill

Is a cup of tea,

The cat on my knee,

A bag of sweets and 'The Bill'.

The young will find that ghastly!

They'll think my cupboard bare.

But I finally found

A man, who's around.......

Asleep in the other arm-chair!

*