In honour of colder climes than ours!
You see I was cold, yer Honour!
I merely had one tot of rum!
I was standing out there like a statue
I was almost completely numb!
Let me make it really plain, yer Honour!
I once had a good pair of knees,
But they froze and disappeared completely
In the twenty-oh-ten Big Freeze!
As for my feet! They're gonners!
They were there till the temperature dropped!
But then my circulation
Absolutely, finally stopped!
Yer honour! The rum was medicinal,
I needed it as anti-freeze!
Even my arms started freezing,
Have a bit of sympathy, please!
Like twigs they were sir! Truly!
Yet now I'm up before the court
Because I was unruly!
What a disgusting thought!
The Master came out with a toddy.
Lovely and warming and sweet!
And he just said 'Poor old Alfie!
You're looking as white as a sheet!'
Yer Honour! It was accidental!
I just took an extra-long slurp.
The result was rather surprising!
Have you ever heard a snowman burp?
But the glow that the rum provided
Made me feel I could carry on,
Adding some charm to the garden
At least till the snow's all gone.
So, yes, I admit, yer Honour,
My singing was rather loud,
But I like 'Frosty the Snowman',
It always appeals to the crowd.
And regarding my hat, yer Honour,
It just sort of slipped from my head!
And yes, that word that I uttered
When it slipped was rather ill-bred!
I'm not long for this world, yer Honour!
So this my plea is heart-felt.
I promise some good behaviour
Before I finally melt.
And, no, I'm not smirking, yer Honour!
I'm trying to look benign,
And if my smile doesn't grab you
Well, it's no fault of mine!
'Let off with a caution!' Terrific!
You are really a king among men!
But I still feel a trifle unsteady!
Whoops! I'm going to fall over again!