318. The Lost Key!

The SUNDAY SCRIBBLINGS prompt reminded me of an old monologue I used to perform.

The prompt is 'LOST'.

THE LOST KEY!

(Maybe a little rude but I always assumed a very innocent air and it worked!)

In twelve-oh-nine,

We were doing fine

In our castle on the hill,

And, if the Infidel hadn't raised some hell,

We'd all be happy still.

But my Noble Lord was getting bored

So he went to the Crusades;

Put my chastity under lock and key,

And that of the serving maids.

Hey nonny nonny

Tralala!

That's how sexist all men are.

It was twelve-sixteen

And I hadnt seen

My Lord for several years.

I'd learned to tat,

And I'd grown quite fat,

And I'd shed some wifely tears.

Oh, a minstrel's tune

Passed an afternoon

And the weather could be discussed,

But I have to admit

I couldn’t sit,

On account of increasing rust.

Hey nonny nonny

 Heel and toe!

Barnacles began to grow.

In twelve-twenty-four

Came a herald to the door,

And I learned, with bated breath,

That my Noble Lord

Hadn't perished by the sword!

He'd been plucked from the jaws of death!

'I'll resume my life

With my lovely lady wife.'

Were the words he wrote to me.

Then he added a bit……

'I'm sorry to admit

That I've been and lost the key!'

 Hey nonny nonny

 Give and take!

That was quite a big mistake!

In twelve-twenty-five

Came the day he would arrive

Victorious from the war!

We went to our room

In the hope we could resume

Our relationship, as before.

I felt depressed,

But I should have guessed

That my lord was a resourceful man.

When we'd closed the door

In his upraised hand I saw

The key to a sardine can!

 Hey nonny nonny

High-de-ho!

What a lot of oats to sow!

By twelve-twenty-six

We were really in a fix,

For the key just wouldn't fit!

Though he gave a twist

And a jiggle of the wrist,

He couldn't get the hang of it.

By twelve-twenty-eight

We submitted to our fate

And stopped looking for ways and means.

And in twelve-twenty-nine

We both sat down to dine

On some very, very stale sardines.

Hey nonny nonny

Woe is me!

As I sing the Ballad of the Sardine Key!