The Crushing

 

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THE CRUSHING

By

Elouisa Elphinstone

(The eighth in her horrifying 'End of Everything' series.)

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Mrs Elphinstone does it again!

She manages to make us laugh about

Armageddon!

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This time she chooses

The Extreme Cold

Scenario.

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Alf and Mandy Spindle

Happen to be on holiday

In Majorca

When the news  arrives;

'The Earth is definitely freezing over'.

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All people on earth accept that

The End Is Nigh.

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Alf and Mandy learn that

Little-Puddling-in-the-Marsh,

Their beloved home village,

Is already under a layer of thick ice!

They must look to the South.

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Enjoy their hilarious exploits as they,

And a billion other human-beings,

Try to escape the advancing sheet of ice!

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Copy their Survival Hints.

They may come in handy one day!

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Finally, they discover a cave

In the steamy jungle.

They will start a new civilisation!

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But, just as they are about to organise

The preliminaries

A gigantic cube of ice

Rolls in and

They realise that

All is lost.

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Will the branch

Save their lives?

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Tension at its most Tense!

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The Global Heating Advocate; After reading this remarkable book I have torn up all my scientific papers and I now believe we're heading for an Ice Age. This magazine will close down forthwith.

 The Editor.


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ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT!

(From a Mad Kane suggestion)

A girl who took pride in her style,

Thought she'd wear nothing else but a smile.

She was so double-breasted,

She soon was arrested,

But she's bought a new bra for her trial!

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