239. Polar Depress.

We all know the feeling!

This photo first appeared on Bearnaked's Bear page.

POLAR DEPRESS!

I looked in the water and saw my reflection!

I wish I had looked in another  direction!

I know I'm not young, there are wrinkles, unbidden,

But luckily, under my fur, they're quite hidden.

I knew I was greying, but oh what a fright!

When I looked in my 'mirror' I saw I'd turned WHITE!

Vegetable Verses

VEGETABLE VERSES

Vegetable flan and vegetable pie;

Everybody likes them! So do I!

Full of vim and full of vigour,

Full of vitality to make us bigger.

Vegetable omelet, vegetable stew;

Everybody likes them! So do you!

Full of value! Full of variety!

Just what we need in our society.

Vegetables mashed and vegetables sliced;

Vegetables chopped and vegetables diced;

Vegetables cooked and vegetables raw...... 

Though not very easy to sip through a straw!

Vegetable lunch and vegetable tea;

Chock-full of vitamins ABC!

Buy some from the vegetable man

In his very nice vehicle, the vegetable van.

Vegetable this and vegetable that.

Drive your vehicle on vegetable fat!

Bio-fuels of various persuasions

May prevent fossil-fuel contagions.

Vegetable mixtures, of various varieties

Might yet save our guzzling societies.

Verdant green is the colour of choice

So to 'Vegetables! Vegetables!  Raise your voice!

Extra! Extra!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCRABBLE!

Tomorrow is my Scrabble Day!

Yes! Old ladies still like to play.

Scrabble is sixty years old today!

' Happy Birthday!' that's what I say!

(The illustration isn't saying

That that's the garb we wear for playing!

Though we live in a beach society

Old ladies still show some propriety!)

237. Out of Body!

A little poem that proves that it's better to relax into old age than to fight it!

OUT OF BODY!

Gladys  Smerch was fifty-four; not the greatest age to be.

And she wondered why she felt less spry than when she was fifty-three.

A visit to the doctor confirmed her greatest fears.

An operation loomed for her. She left the room in tears.

The surgeons did their utmost to put her body right

But she hovered very near to death and looked a ghastly sight.

She spiralled up to Heavens' Gate and waited to go in,

But Saint Peter said 'You're not dead yet! Life is going to win!

You've got another forty years to have the greatest time!

To let you into Heaven now would be tantamount to crime!

Be on your way! Go back to Life and tell them you've arrived!'

And, sure enough, she rallied round. Gladys Smerch survived!

Gladys looked into the mirror as soon as she felt fit.

'Forty more years!' she muttered, 'Old body! This is it!

I'm going to have a face-lift! I look a real old bag!

I'll get rid of all the wrinkles and the nasty bits that sag!

I'll blond my hair and have a really perky little trim,

And I'll book myself for several tiring sessions at the gym.

I'll get my top lip botoxed; I'd like it to protrude,

And I'll get all-over tanning so I look good in the nude!'

So, sure enough, she followed-through with all the great improvements;

She even practised belly-dancing to add sex to her movements.

And, to her great delight she found that she was quite transformed!

She easily passed for thirty and admirers, well, they swarmed!

'Forty more years of this!' she said ' How wonderful I am!'

Then she stepped out from the pavement and went underneath a tram!

She was back again at Heaven's Gate, but it opened right away.

'Come in! Come in!'  Saint Peter said 'I hope you enjoy your stay!'

'But... but.... but... but' stuttered Gladys 'What am I up here for?

I've only had one extra year! You promised forty more!'

Saint Peter looked at her closely 'Did some idiot disguise you?

 I've let you into Heaven because

I didn't recognise you!'

236. Laughter and Tears

The crime rate in South Africa is unbelievable. I was there last year and, although I didn't experience anything untoward myself, I came into contact with several people who had, only recently, suffered

 muggings or car-jackings.

 I wish them all a more peaceful 2009.

For a cheerier view of the festive season see my PLUS blog.

LAUGHTER AND TEARS

A cartoon may be funny but it, also, can be sad.

It's not just airy-fairy; it can echo something bad.

When first you view this picture you may laugh because it's fun

Until you see that Santa has been threatened by a gun!

Men in balaclavas have left him there for dead

And they've rushed off with the Christmas gifts to use themselves instead.

For this represents South Africa, where crime is very rife,

Where murders happen all the time, with gun or fist or knife.

I have old friends in Africa who simply have to cope 

The New Year may be better. Well, we can only hope.

235. Recipe in Rhyme 4: Santa Slice!

I have just returned from a delightful afternoon spent at Jane's with friends. I took along a slice and people liked it! As I've said before, I'm no Domestic Goddess, so I was thrilled to be asked for the recipe.

(SUNDAY SCRIBBLINGS and SIMPLY SNICKERS below.)

SANTA SLICE!

When Barbara asked for my recipe

I simply glowed with pride!

When cooking prowess is mentioned  

I usually run and hide!

But I must make one admission!

This recipe isn't all mine.

I filched it from another;

The delightful Caroline.

However, she called it Fruit Slice,

Which I thought rather bland.

Santa Slice has a ring to it

So I hope she'll understand.

So, here goes, you need a tray

Designed for the average slice.

Spray a little oil on it;

A quick squirt will suffice.

Heat your oven at the start,

Try 180 degrees,

(It's always tricky making rhymes

Of technical things like these!)

I cup coconut, one cup flour,

And one cup sugar, brown.

Mix with melted butter,

Then in your slice tin press it down.

Cook for just ten minutes

While you prepare the topping,

You'll easily get it done in time

If you work hard without stopping.

Melt butter, sugar and syrup

Gently till they blend,

Also mix flour, fruit and sherry.

(You're getting near the end.)

Now combine the two blends,

(Ah! What a lovely smell!)

That little whiff of sherry

Seems to cast a festive spell!

Take your slice tray from the oven

And spread the topping neatly.

Return for fifteen minutes.

It should be cooked completely.

When it's cool you must slice it,

And place it on a plate

And all the 'girls' at the party

Will say 'Wow! That was great!'

Ingredients

BASE 1 cup coconut, 1 cup self-raising flour, 1 cup of brown sugar 125 grams butter.
TOPPING 30 grams butter, 200 grams mixed fruit, 2 tablespoons brown sugar, 1 tablespoon Golden Syrup, 1/4 cup self-raising flour, 3/4 cup almond flakes, 1/4 cup sherry or brandy.

P.S. Shock!

See 232 for a shock!