Saturday, April 7, 2012

Mistaken Identity



The PURPLE TREE-HOUSE
http://purpletreehouse.blogspot.com.au/
asks us for humour

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Sandy went to Canada to spend a holiday,
Meeting lots of pleasant people as he travelled on his way.
One man in particular was hospitable indeed
Inviting Sandy home with him and offering him a feed.
Sandy, straight from the Highlands, was almost over-awed;
He was new to Canada and he'd never been abroad.
Jud.... that was his new friend's name..... showed him the mountains high
Which bordered on his property and reached up to the sky.
'I canna believe yon mountains! said Sandy, most impressed,
And Jud continued on the tour entertaining his new guest.
'This is my little ranch-house, the Canadian said, en route
And Sandy gasped and said 'Och Aye! It's a mansion withoot a doot!'
They wandered round the property, and walked down by the lake
Then Jed said 'Now we'll go inside; I bet you could down a steak.'
As they wandered through the ranch-house Sandy noticed, in the hall,
A great stuffed animal with antlers, perched up on the wall.
Sandy gazed at it in amazement and wanted to know its name.
'Hoots mon! That animal up there! What is it when it's at hame?'
'Oh that's a moose I shot one day; that's what you're looking at'
Gasped Sandy 'Well, if that's the moose I'd hate to see the cat!'
*
----------------------------------------------------------------------




SHOW YOURSELF!

Where are you hiding, honey?
(No, that's not a sign of affection.)
Are you lurking behind the mayonnaise,
Leering in my direction?
Oh. here's that left-over potato
From the day before yesterday;
I'll eat it while I'm hunting;
Oh no it's turned all grey!
*
Where are you hiding, honey?
On the top or bottom shelf?
"A place for everything", Mother said.
Come on! Show yourself!
What's this in the blue container?
The remains of some Peking Duck!
I'll take a little look at it.
Open the lid a bit.........Yuk!
*
Where are you hiding , honey?
You've made me knock over the cream!
My toast's getting cold on the table!
In a second I'm going to scream.
All I ask is a spoonful of honey
Of the Julie Andrew's type.
Oooh! What's this blob in the corner?
It certainly smells pretty ripe!
*
Oh there you are, stupid honey'
I've discovered where you are.
Now I'll continue my breakfast.
Oh no! It's an empty jar!
*

3 comments:

Don said...

A pair of poems with surprise endings: I like! The first is a delight with the play on accent. The second is amusing as it catches the mood of the Searcher during breakfast. I enjoyed both poems.

zongrik said...

it would bother me to see a moosehead too. they probably don't treat their cat very well.

stripper limerick

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Both are fun, but I particularly enjoyed the moose.