Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Cole Slaughter!


A Parody on 'I Get a Kick Out Of You'.
COLE SLAUGHTER!


I get no kick on a train.
I have to confess
That the fastest express
Makes me wish that all passengers flew.
But I get a kick out of you.
I get no kick from methane!
If I'm near a cow
When its taking a bow
You'll find I detest the old moo!
But I get a kick out of you.
I get a kick every time I see the hairs upon your chest, dear!
I get a kick though its clear that I will never see the rest, dear.
I get no kick in Ukraine!
Fur hats and boots
And those grey Russian suits
Get me yearning for old Timbuktoo
But I get a kick out of you.
*
I get no kick in Bahrain!
Those Caliphs and Sheiks
Haven't got what it takes,
And the sky is so boringly blue.
But I get a kick out of you.
I get no kick down the drain!
The rubbish and muck
And the spray from each truck
Make me very determined to sue!
But I get a kick out of you.
I get a kick when I feel you standing very near, Amigo!
I get a kick, though its clear that you don't ever stroke my ego.
I get no kick down a lane!
Mosquitoes and fleas
Come and nibble my knees
And at night I get dampened by dew.
But I get a kick out of you.
*
I get no kick from a chain!
I never can think
What to do with each link
And I can't cope with more than a few.
But I get a kick out of you.
I got no kick from Fontaine.
When she did a pose
On the tips of her toes
I was really quite bored with the view.
But I get a kick out of you.
I get a kick every time I catch a glimpse of your physique, dear.
I get a kick though I know, for sure, I'll only get a peek, dear.
I get no kick from my brain!
I feel out of sorts
When I think silly thoughts
And quite often I haven't a clue.
But I get a kick out of you.
*
I get no kick from a crane!
When I'm grabbed by the scoop
And start looping the loop,
I feel sure that I'm going to spew!
But I get a kick out of you.
I get no kick from champagne!
All that bubble and fizz
Makes me utter 'Gee whizz!'
Though I'm certain you're being untrue.
But I get a kick out of you.
I get a kick every time I hear you speaking on the phone, dear.
I get a kick though its clear that I will get a busy tone, dear.
I get no kick in the rain!
Each puddle and drip
Finds me losing my grip
And the thunder's a hullaballoo!
But I get a kick out of you.
*
I get no kick being plain!
My face, in repose,
Is all chin and all nose
And my features are somewhat askew.
But I get a kick out of you.
I'll get no kick being slain!
I'm certain that if
I begin to go stiff
All the worms will be wanting a chew!
But I get a kick out of you.
I get a kick like the kick you get from some gigantic horse, dear.
I get a kick and its all the fault of my great love, of course, dear.
I get a kick once again!
If they shout out 'Encore!'
I can do a lot more
And increasingly boringly too!
But I get a kick,
Oh what a kick,
I get a kick out of you.
*

21 comments:

Amias said...

OK! I am going to say it this time ..
I almost pissed on myself laughing over this .. and yes, I got a kick out of it to!

Darlene said...

This is just wonderful. I am laughing so hard I can hardly stay in my chair. I am sure Cole would get a kick out of you, too.

I had fun singing your verses to Cole's melody and they fit perfectly.

Patty said...

I got a kick from your poem, but I could have done without the worms.

RAJI MUTHUKRISHNAN said...

Really enjoyable! And you may notice, it is not Cole Slaughter, but Cole's Laughter! He would have enjoyed it too.

quilly said...

Once again you got me to laughing out loud! What fun.

Roger Owen Green said...

That's terrible...I mean that in a GOOD way.

RAJI MUTHUKRISHNAN said...

Definitely laughter inspiring

Regina said...

Cool post!

mrsnesbitt said...

You amuse me, I can just picture you giggling away to yourself behind a closed door! lol!

magiceye said...

encore!!!

RuneE said...

I get a kick from the pain!
(of laughing, that is...)

jay said...

I agree with Raji - definitely 'Cole's Laughter'! ROFL!

I love old Cole Porter songs - in fact a version of this song was exactly what made me buy that much derided Gary Shearston album back in the seventies... but maybe the less said about that the better. ;)

Rose said...

And I got a kick out of you, Brenda! Thanks for starting my day off with a chuckle (it's 7:30 AM here); I'm sure Cole is laughing somewhere, too:)

I happened to scroll down and read your "Wandered Lonely as a Cloud" parody. Wordsworth is one of my favorite poets, and I always think of this poem every spring. I don't have thousands of daffodils dancing each spring either:)

Grace and Bradley said...

We are all traveling an hardly have time to sit down in the hotel room to log on internet. Thanks for your visit to our blog for our granddaughter. We would love to read a pome of her by you, Thanks. Reading your blog is always a jory of us.

Sunny said...

Bravo!
Sunny :)

Tumblewords: said...

What a hoot! This is a fave, now. I'll be singing for the next few days...And laughing, as well.

Jo said...

I got a kick out of this [nostalgic] rhyme too, Brenda!

Jamie said...

That was absolutely hysterical. Everyone above was right. Cole would have loved it. He often wrote even more risque parodies of his own songs.

Thank you for participating in Take This Tune

Kay L. Davies said...

Brenda, my dear, you have outdone yourself with this one.
And I get a kick out of it, too.
-- K

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

SquirrelQueen said...

Oh I definitely got a kick out of reading your lyrics, well done. Thanks for the laughs!

HOOTIN' ANNI said...

Loved your rendition!!! You are quite talented and a bit 'crazy'....don't get me wrong, I LOVE it!!

Oh, and make sure you add a link to the meme so others can play along.


Somewhere Down in Texas


http://hootin--anni.blogspot.com/2011/02/somewhere-down-in-texas.html