Tuesday, November 11, 2008

193. Bracket Creeps


BRACKET CREEPS

Maude Edpot (91)
Kills her lover with a gun.
Brad Bustley (42)
Drowns in a vat of glue.
Merle Tichmans (63)
Swims the Mediterranean Sea.
Rita Redbull (44)
Intends to move to Baltimore.
Ted Finchset (55)
Eats furry caterpillars, live!
Rob Applerum (26)
Enjoys doing his magic tricks.
Mary Rifford (37)
Seen here on holiday in Devon.
Paul Pliggot (88)
Says he intends to hibernate.
Joe Hickham (69)
Daily drinks four bottles of wine!
*
Why does the local press,
Not content with name and address,
Have to state the subject's age
Clearly, on every printed page?
If I'm knocked over by a bus
I'll loudly scream and shout and cuss.
I'll quiver with my pent-up rage
But I certainly wont declare my age!
I won't be shouting out 'Yippee!
I'm in great pain, and I'm 73!'
Any reporter, standing by,
(Hoping that I'm going to die!)
May utter softly under his breath
'Looks 82 and near to death.'
I'll sturdily rise up from the ground,
Face those on-lookers standing round
And I'll declare 'Forget my age!
I'll sue if I see it on your page!

Write, if it's all the same to you
'Brenda,
MENTALLY TWENTY-TWO!'
*

6 comments:

Winifred said...

They must be the same everywhere! It's just not relevant in most cases and my guess is they're wrong most of the time.

Dogwalkmusings said...

Well, now, I rather like the idea old Joe (69) can still drink four bottles of wine! Daily!!

Old Lady Lincoln said...

Reminds me of a story on our local TV, about an elderly woman in Dayton, getting her purse snatched and she held on to it. So I wanted to see what the poor old soul looked like and find out if she had gotten hurt. I almost wet myself laughing, what this news reporter called an elderly lady was a woman I believe 52. Heavens forbid what he might call me. LOL

Bear Naked said...

I have found the perfect thing to say to anyone who asks what is my age.
I turn and say," Why would you ask me such a personal question? But I will tell you my age when you tell me what your bank account number is and the amount of money you have in that account."
They NEVER ask again.

Bear((( )))

Tash said...

I love the poem! Excellent. Makes me think about my mental age ... I'm going to go calculate it :)

Kat said...

Oh my dear Twenty-Two :))))

you've really lamblasted the age mentioners..!!! And if they are going to still continue, they must report the reporters age too....!!!

Loved the rhyming of number and words..... and the subtle way in which your age got revealed..!!!