Tuesday, December 16, 2008

237. Out of Body!

A little poem that proves that it's better to relax into old age than to fight it!


OUT OF BODY!


Gladys  Smerch was fifty-four; not the greatest age to be.
And she wondered why she felt less spry than when she was fifty-three.
A visit to the doctor confirmed her greatest fears.
An operation loomed for her. She left the room in tears.
The surgeons did their utmost to put her body right
But she hovered very near to death and looked a ghastly sight.
She spiralled up to Heavens' Gate and waited to go in,
But Saint Peter said 'You're not dead yet! Life is going to win!
You've got another forty years to have the greatest time!
To let you into Heaven now would be tantamount to crime!
Be on your way! Go back to Life and tell them you've arrived!'
And, sure enough, she rallied round. Gladys Smerch survived!
Gladys looked into the mirror as soon as she felt fit.
'Forty more years!' she muttered, 'Old body! This is it!
I'm going to have a face-lift! I look a real old bag!
I'll get rid of all the wrinkles and the nasty bits that sag!
I'll blond my hair and have a really perky little trim,
And I'll book myself for several tiring sessions at the gym.
I'll get my top lip botoxed; I'd like it to protrude,
And I'll get all-over tanning so I look good in the nude!'
So, sure enough, she followed-through with all the great improvements;
She even practised belly-dancing to add sex to her movements.
And, to her great delight she found that she was quite transformed!
She easily passed for thirty and admirers, well, they swarmed!
'Forty more years of this!' she said ' How wonderful I am!'

Then she stepped out from the pavement and went underneath a tram!

She was back again at Heaven's Gate, but it opened right away.
'Come in! Come in!'  Saint Peter said 'I hope you enjoy your stay!'
'But... but.... but... but' stuttered Gladys 'What am I up here for?
I've only had one extra year! You promised forty more!'
Saint Peter looked at her closely 'Did some idiot disguise you?
 I've let you into Heaven because

I didn't recognise you!'

4 comments:

Dogwalkmusings said...

Ah, vanity! Thy name is woman!

~*sis*~ said...

lol, funny ole gladys!!

San said...

oops! :)
that was absolutely brilliant.

Kat said...

What a tribute to all the beauty parlours..!!!!

Saint Peter might need to insist for age proof, using the Grandson's techinque ( you remember your poem on that Brenda? :)))))