Archie is a policeman and something of a buffoon. He is called to a murder scene, but he immediately falls in love with a suspect, and he sings her the following song.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENTArchie speaking.......
I've fallen in love with this glorious creature!
So glamorous in every feature!
That figure! It goes in and out!
That face! That little rosebud pout!
How can I keep my mind on crime
When Milly Melsetter is so sublime?
Milly! Milly! Milly! Cripes!
I've not felt like this since I got my stripes!
To the tune of 'And the Band Played On.'
My heart went bump!/ I can still hear it thump,/ And I seem to sway./ She looks so smart/ It's affecting my heart/ In the nicest way./ If she should discover/ I'd suit as a lover/ I'd gladly give her all my pay!/ This crime doesn't matter!/ The whole world could shatter!/ I'd shout 'Hooray!'./
I'm in the Service,/ But still I get nervous/ When she appears!/ She's captivating!/ I'm constantly stating/ My doubts and fears./ I know I'm a tough guy/ A bit of a rough guy/ And she is the queen of her peers!/ But I'd be elated/ If we could be mated!/ I'd shout 'Three cheers!'/
I am bowled over!/ I once was a rover,/ Now this occurs!/ I feel so tender/ That I'd like to send her/ Some jewels and furs!/ It may sound excessive,/ But I feel possessive;/ A tom-cat who's nothing but purrs!/ My whole body's dancing!/ I feel like romancing!/ I'll shout'I'm hers!'/