Underground Wit

SIGNS SIGNS

http://signs2.blogspot.com.au/

UNDERGROUND WIT

More a poster than a sign, but still well-worth the reading

Here is some information the traveller should be heeding.

He's told he can travel on the Underground from where he is to the Tower,

Although I admit the poster omits the price, also the hour.

And then he's reminded of history he probably learned at school......

How, in the reign of Henry the Eighth, chopping off heads was the rule,

Especially the heads of errant wives, for Henry paid no heed

To all their protestations, however they might plead.

The painting is rather fine, too, done in an old-time style.

Not a sign, but a poster, to make the traveller smile.

*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BOOTLEG HOOCH

Al was desperate for a drink but the rain was pouring down;

The vendor of his bootleg hooch was on  the other side of town.

May, his current floozie, was starting in to whine

'If your lips don't touch liquor they surely wont touch mine!'

'But May' said Al, 'It's raining! I'll be soaked to the skin!'

But he could tell by the look on her face he wasn't going to win.

She said 'Take my red umbrella!' And Al, of course, demurred

Saying 'That will ruin my image! I'll simply look absurd!'

However, May had tempting lips, so he took the red umbrella,

Hoping that people in the street would see he was a fella.

So Al collected his bootleg hooch and stayed as dry as a bone.

(I hope you enjoyed this insight into the life of Al Capone!)

*

Grief

THREE WORD WEDNESDAY

http://www.threewordwednesday.com/

asks us to use these three words

crumble/grief/uneasy

GRIEF

I felt uneasy, knocking the door.

I had visited Beth many times before,

But now Carl had died and things had changed.

Beth's life would have to be re-arranged.

What would I say? Would there be tears?

They had been married for fifty years!

She greeted me with the her brightest smile,

Said 'Amy! It's been quite a while!

Come inside and have some tea!

As they say 'long time no see!

How are the children? All well, I trust.

You must tell me everything.....you really must.'

I felt relief, she was, clearly, coping;

Accepting things, not sitting moping.

We drank our tea, spoke of this and that,

Enjoying our little fireside chat.

But, suddenly..... silence. I looked across

And there was reality, pain and loss.

Beth's face was drawn, she gazed into space

With grief etched into her aged face.

I saw a life crumble before my eyes;

Her cheerful chitchat revealed as lies.

'Oh Beth!' I said, in a helpless way.

*

After all, there was nothing else to say.

*

--------------------------------------------------------

THE RIVER OF LOVE

'Love at first sight' is heady; it's positively magic.

But heed my words for delirium can sometimes become tragic!

*

Right at the beginning it springs up from the ground,

Tiny, effervescent, bright, with a tinkling, laughing sound.

It springs up from the lover's heart, unspoken and quite shy,

But it grows in strength and certitude as the loving days go by.

It tumbles down the mountain side, young and full of joy;

That first kiss, that promise, so bold, no longer coy.

And now the bliss of waterfalls, deep gorges, bounding waves,

When love engulfs the lovers and is everything one craves.

Now comes the river's fullness, it enters the boundless plain,

Edged with romantic flowers, filled with life-giving rain.

But what is this? The river forks, to the left and to the right!

One way is to gentler waters, flowing bountiful and bright,

The other to a muddy creek, which narrows as it goes,

Carrying pain and angry words, sluggishly it flows.

The creek is just a dead-end; our river has to die,

Leaving bitter memories as the passing years go by.

But, if we should be so fortunate as to win love's lottery,

Our river can flow on its way, peacefully, to the sea.

Oh, there may be no rapids, no towering cliffs to thrill;

But it now flows between verdant banks,  and we know it always will.

*

Yearning

                                      Brenda Bryant

WEEKEND IN BLACK AND WHITE

http://blackandwhiteweekend.blogspot.com.au/

YEARNING

Yearning to take to the sky again,

The envy of the crowds.

To feel my propeller whirring

As I skim above the clouds.

To feel my engine throbbing

Deep down within my soul

As my pilot weaves his magic

And keeps me under control.

A hangar may be cosy

But I'm an ambitious plane!

Push me out into the sunshine

And let me soar again.

*

----------------------------------------------------------------------

STAYING-POWER

Is your husband still around? I bet his name is Max!

And is it a case, dear Maxine, of  ' an opposite attracts?'

Is he one of those people whose temper is rather short,

And then it's over and done with? I bet Max is that sort.

Does he explode in a fury and then forget the cause?

Is he all sunny and cheerful after the briefest pause?

I have a husband like that, dear, and it really isn't fair!

Just when I'm getting all worked up, his bad mood isn't there!

While I'm still churning inwardly he's whistling a jolly tune!

While I'm immersed in a nasty mood he's happy very soon!

I can be put-out for hours and hours, longing to use my tongue!

While he's forgotten the whole thing, I'm still feeling stung!

I rehearse all manner of ripostes, witty words to say

Which are bound to make me the winner amd really make him pay.

I brood...... yes, that's the word...... I brood, I sulk, if you must know!

I grunt in response to queries, glowering at the foe!

While he's completely forgotten whatever we argued about,

 I'm putting on mental boxing-gloves, ready for another bout!

'I can stay mad for days!' you say! Hour stretches into hour.

You and I, Maxine, my dear,

We've got staying-power!

*

Rolling In

VICE VERSA

http://poetryblogroll.blogspot.com.au/

asks us to use these four words

gather/scatter: harmony/discord

ROLLING IN

The storm-clouds gather in black formation.

The scatter of rain  brings anticipation.

Life no longer sings in harmony

As thunder's discord rolls over the sea.

*

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A BIG DIFFERENCE!

A Tourist went to a small hotel and asked for information

About the various types of room and the cost of accommodation.

'We have different prices for singles and for those rooms that are shared

And our rooms have baths or showers' the Receptionist declared.

What's the difference between a bath and shower?' the Tourist then inquired,

And the answer the desk-clerk gave him was utterly inspired!

After he'd mulled it over and thought a little bit

He said 'I think in one you stand; in the other one you sit'.

*

Fishy Business

MAD KANE

FISHY BUSINESS!

A gentleman made a mistake

By ordering fish and not steak.

When he took his first bite

He said 'This isn't right!'

And he threw it back into the lake.

*

------------------------------------------

Picasso 'The Muse'

THE GREAT DECEIVER!

My Muse does not amuse me!

She chooses to abuse me!

She puts ideas inside my head

When I am lying in my bed,

Forcing me to stir my bones,

Rising with deep and midnight groans,

To hie me to my darkened desk!

In my night attire! Grotesque!

I seat myself, prepared to write,

Though it's the middle of the night!

But she, the miscreant, just hurts me,

For then the thought she gave deserts me.

The seed of greatness she inspired

Fades, and dwindles and grows tired!

Soon it fades away completely!

She doesn't even act discretely!

I hear her laugh as she takes her leave!

For she intended to deceive.

The great thought haunts me, almost there,

And yet quite vanished in thin air.

Nothing more to be done or said.

I go to the toilet and back to bed!

*

Departure

The Wordle

 

SUNDAY WHIRL
http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/
asks us to use all the words n the Wordle

ABC WEDNESDAY
http://abcwednesday-mrsnesbitt.blogspot.com.au/
letter 'D'

DEPARTURE

I worked on Union Castle ships many years ago,

In the days when travel by road and rail was inestimably slow,

And ships took two whole weeks to reach from England to the Cape,

Before the days of aeroplanes giving a quick weekend escape.

'My' ship, 'The Transvaal Castle' , would anchor, for some days,

In the port of Southampton, in one of the many bays.
I'd go up on deck, wondering what was in store,
The thought that the ship might sink never came to the fore.
I'd wake up in the morning and head down to the stern
Though the ship might pitch and toss about and the waves might break and churn.
The link with England broken, we would navigate our way,
All of us thrilled to the marrow, through the wilds of Biscay's Bay.
I was the Children's Hostess, my uniform was smart,
And I still remember the excitement when a trip was about to start.
*
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAVING IT ALL

Remember the dream of having it all?

'Equality', as I recall,

Meant being feminine in looks and manner

But still being able to wield a spanner!

This magazine cover from way back then,

Shows women being the equals of men.

Domination, we thought, was ending,

(Though I find this scene rather condescending.)

But modern wives, it seems to me,

Can't really enjoy equality,

Because they're run right off their feet.

No time to look delicate and sweet.

True, many men help in the house;

No-one ever says 'Are you man or mouse?'.

But though 'I help' may be their boast

It's still the woman who does the most.

Women of older generations

Had to cope with their own frustrations...

Tied to the kitchen and not allowed

To have careers to make them proud.

But today's young women, workers plus wives,

Lead such stressful and hurried lives,

Paying the mortgage and cooking meals!

I can imagine how it feels!

It seems 'our' advances have been small.

Will women ever 'have it all'?

*

That Close!

POETIC BLOOMINGS
http://poeticbloomings.com/
asks us to write about a success
Mine was a near-miss.


THAT CLOSE!

I felt THAT close to real success,

But it all ended in something less........

All throughout my teaching career

I'd held something very dear,

In fact it almost became an obsession,

When I was part of the teaching profession.

I'd seen so many students falter,

Sacrificed on the SPELLING altar,

That I devised my own little scheme,

Which became a passionate dream.

I devised a system purely phonic,

Which swept through my class like a magic tonic.

Five year-olds who are always fighting

With spelling rules when they are writing

Soon lose heart; it's all too hard.

And their creativity's marred.

Once my children felt free to express their minds

In stories and news of various kinds,

Then I gradually brought-in 'rules',

Such as are common in primary schools.

(I hated to do it because I'm sure

Spelling will one day go out the door

For all and sundry. But not in my time.

A world without spelling! How sublime!)

Anyway, I had a lot of success;

I wrote a book and it went to press.

I still earn royalties to this day,

So sometimes the written word can pay!

The Premier came and shook my hand

And he seemed to understand.

But there it all ended! It fizzled out!

But I was THAT close, without a doubt.

*

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                                                  Klimt

TAKE HEED!

Take heed, all you salacious ones, pornographers take heed!

Here is sex triumphant, without doubt.

Here is represented the essence of 'the act'

But it murmurs; it doesn't need to shout.

This was painted by a man, yet it captures with such ease,

The way the female feels about romance.

No crudity, no over-kill, no 'in-yer-face' approach.

There is no leer; it's tender as a glance.

We know there are raunchy women, who tend to think like men,

Who like to be 'out-there' and having 'fun'.

'Good luck to them', I say, but there are many, many  more

Who prefer the woman to be wooed and won.

This painting's called 'The Kiss'  but it's so much more than that;

It stirs, inside us all, some ancient need.

'Romance' is a flowery flimsy thing that some may disregard.

But, for a joyful love-life,  just take heed!

*