SATURDAY CENTUS
had this idea!
SURPRISE!
'Surprise! I'm Pregnant!' was the meme. It had a curious ring,
For I'm a lady of eighty and past that sort of thing!
It certainly would be a surprise if I were in that condition
For all my 'working parts' have, since forever, been in remission!
I'm free! I'm free! My body's mine, though crumbling into dust!
I'd rather have a cup of tea than a bit of old-fashioned lust!
But if my daughter or daughter-in-law were to have a slight mishap,
I'd gladly welcome a bundle into my senile lap!
*
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CRIMINAL INTENT
I stand in line at the check-out in the old time-honoured way,
With money at the ready, which I'm prepared to pay.
I'm an upright citizen so I read all the signs,
And I always act accordingly, especially in lines.
I know society depends on customers like me
'Toeing-the-line' in every sense, when on a spending spree.
I know my little trolly is half-empty so I'm sure
I've only a few items, maybe eight or nine, no more.
I idly start to count them as the check-out hoves in sight
And I find out to my horror that my estimate wasn't right!
There are actually twelve items and the sign says 'Only ten!'
Inexorably I move on as the shoppers shift again!
Now I'm faced with a dilemma, should I now quit my spot,
Returning to the shelves the extra items I have got?
No! I'm going to be quite brazen! I'm a pensioner, foresooth!
Old people should have leeway (we can't count as well as youth!)
As I'm emptying my trolly I feel the gimlet eyes
Focussed on my purchases! Have I been unwise?
A gentleman behind me clears his throat as if to say
'Just my luck to meet a crazy woman here today!'
The young person at the check-out, as she fiddles with the till,
Doesn't say a single word but, oh, if looks could kill!
I leave the store with head bowed, a blush upon my cheek.
I suppose I'll be forced to buy my things from another store next week!
Oh, you may laugh, and you may sneer! You may think my tale's a farce!
But after a blameless life I find I'm one of the criminal class!
*
Thanks for my morning smile. :)))) <--- see, it's a big one.
ReplyDeleteWhat a clever poem! Women of a certain age are replete with wisdom.
ReplyDeleteNamaste..........cj
Love what you have done with the prompt of Surprise Im pregant.
ReplyDeleteI think Id would rather hear it from another than myself as well.
Blessings
Great writes, love both of these:-)
ReplyDeletefunny centus Great writing
ReplyDeleteyou always leave me feeling something with your words! I loved the humour in this weeks offering!
ReplyDeleteOMG!!! This is genius! Simply genius! Brava!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG! I don't know which one of these I like better?
ReplyDeleteThey are both so wonderful...and I love the wry sense of humor you threaded throw your fantastic word crafting!
Loved these!
Hugs and thanks for linking.